


Bet it All

by ashleyloca



Category: Gypsy (US TV)
Genre: Diane Hart - Freeform, F/F, Gypsy, Jean Holloway - Freeform, Sidney Pierce - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-09-21
Packaged: 2018-12-11 03:18:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,547
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11705700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashleyloca/pseuds/ashleyloca
Summary: Game Over? What happens after Sidney figures out Jean's secret? nothing is ever as black and white as it seems. The story of what happens after the final scene of Gypsy.





	1. I'd Like To Know

Chapter 1. I’d Like to Know

 

_Jean_

The auditorium emptied and I walked backstage to gather my things as the principal came up to me and thanked me.

“That was quite a speech Jean thank you for talking with everyone. It really helps giving a professional view on matters like bullying” He said as I gave a small smile while I grabbed my purse.

“Of course. Thank you for having me. I would normally stay around and chat but I have to get Dolly home to put her to bed.” I said doing my best not to be rude but my mind was wandering to different places in the world. Being here was the last place I wanted to be. The principal shook my hand and I headed outside.

I was greeted by the cold Connecticut air as I stepped outside. As December was on its way, it was clear there would be no more warm weather no jacket type days. I didn’t really mind this; I lived on the east coast my entire life so 45 years later I was used to the cold nights like this. My eyes scanned the premise to see those walking around the school lot. There were families walking to their cars that looked like they came straight out of a magazine, couples holding hands laughing as if there wasn’t a care in the world that could impact them, and then there was Michael who stood talking to Dolly. As his eyes hit mine, his smile immediately turned to a straight thin line and I could see he had to keep it from turning into a frown. I made my way over to them through the crowd of people.

“Mommy! That was so good! I like seeing you in my school” Dolly giggled as she greeted me with a hug. It was moments like these that the love my daughter gave me made up for the lack of real happiness I felt in my life. I hugged her tight and my eyes looked up at Michael who I could tell was still upset with me. Once Dolly let go, he stepped closer to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek which I knew was just so Dolly would not suspect something was wrong.

“Yes, it was a very good speech Jeannie, very well done.” He said mustering a small smile as Dolly looked up and watched us closely. This poor little girl knew nothing that was going on and all I could think of was if it were only possible that she could keep this innocence forever and that I could protect her from all the secrets that life keeps hidden. A few people came up to us and thanked me for speaking and said the speech was very well done. My fake smile came out as words of empty gratitude shot out. I was in autopilot while people talked as my eyes scanned the outside area to find the one person I needed to see most. Much to my dismay, the beautiful brunette was nowhere to be found. I sighed and looked at my phone to see the time.

“Geez it is getting late we should probably get headed home so we can put Dolly to bed,” I said, half lying because the main reason I glanced at my phone was in hopes there was a message with a big S at the top of it waiting for me. But again, much to my dismay, my screen only showed Dolly’s cute face and the time. Michael glanced at his watch then nodded. Doesn’t seem he even suspects a thing. Good.

“I’ll take Dolly and you can just meet us at home. Sound good?” he asked as I nodded in agreement. “Sure, I just gotta get my keys then I am set.” I began to dig through my purse but my keys were nowhere to be found. 

“Shit, I can’t find my keys,” I explained as I could feel Michaels eyes staring at my actions. He came up closer and glanced into my bag. “I think they must have fallen out of my bag when I left it backstage.” Michael sighed and looked at Dolly who was yawning and clearly ready for bed. “You go look and I will take her home so she can get to bed. I will just see you later I think I am going to go right to bed myself,” he said looking away from me. “It has been a _very_ long day.” He looked at me finally then turned to go towards the car.

 “I’ll see you guys at home,” I said then spun around back into the school to see if I could find my keys. I went backstage and they were right where my purse was. I must have set everything down not realizing I didn’t put them with my purse. Then again, it _had_ in fact been a long day so I must not have been paying attention. My heels clicked as I walked through the hallway back into the cool Darien night. But this time when I walked outside, my eyes immediately caught sight of the one thing I needed to see.

  ** _Her_**.

 I didn’t need the person to turn around to know it was her. She was standing facing the parking lot with her hands in her odd colored big coat and brown hair flowing in the wind. Even without being able to see her face I could tell how beautiful she looked. But as my heel clicked against the sidewalk, the noise must have vibrated to her ear and she slowly turned around, knowing exactly who was there. Ironic as it was since I was outside, I felt all the air get sucked out of my body and I couldn’t breathe. I froze there as I stood about 3 feet away from her, too scared to move any closer. I didn’t know what was supposed to happen from here. For the first time ever, I was speechless with her. So we awkwardly just stared at each other waiting for whatever was going to happen next. I analyzed her face to try to get a feel for what she was thinking; she had smirked when she caught me on stage so I wasn’t really feeling anger then or even now, I could tell happy was way too far of a stretch, my thoughts landed on content. She seemed content. Not happy nor sad.

“Game over?” she asked, her question shattering the silence around us. I took a step closer to her still unaware of what the right thing to say was. I shook my head.

 “This was never a game to me Sidney,” I blinked my eyes then looked at her sincerely. She scoffed and looked down crossing her arms. “You could have fooled me,” she said then turned around and started walking towards a bench nearby. I followed suite and sat right next to her, barely leaving space between us because I knew after today, I would never be this close to her again.

 "Sid…” I began but she cut me off. “What was I to you _Jean_? If I wasn’t a game, was I just a warm body to be near? A little child to have control over? Just a piece of ass to stare at when you got your coffee?” She spat but there was more hurt in her voice than anger. My face softened and I reached for her hand expecting her to pull away but yet again Sidney Pierce surprised me and let my hand rest against hers. 

“You are the exact definition of a serendipitous moment. Nothing less than that. You were a fortunate accident that I will never regret. You weren’t an object to me nor something for me to just enjoy physically. You were something that never was supposed to happen that became one of the most thrilling things I have ever experienced.” I gripped her hand a little tighter hoping my sincerity would flow from my hand into hers. I stared intently at her to try and figure out what was going on in her head but as always, she was impossible to read.

“I want to know the whole story. No _bullshit_. Just the real deal. I want to know it without the lies and deceit mixed in,” She said her thick British accent flowing through her words. I hesitated for a second questioning myself if I was ready to officially break the boundaries of the double life I lived. But I knew regardless of whatever excuse I wanted to give, Sidney deserved to know the truth. Not only for the fact that I have lied to her this long or she had come all this way to Darien to see me, but solely for the fact that I really cared for her and wanted her to know. I sighed and let go of her hand and leaned back against the bench and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath.

“I have been a therapist for years,” I began and opened my eyes staring at the night sky. “I knew I always wanted to help people, even as a little kid so it was a dream when I actually was able to do it for a living. I always seemed to struggle with what was considered ethical or crossing the line because I liked to get involved and really help my clients out, more than just allowing them to vent out their problems. As a therapist, your job is supposed to be to help your client achieve their goal, regardless of if you agree with it or not. I never felt like it was just enough to listen and advise so to say without giving your opinion or actual advice. So slowly I began to push the boundaries more and give advice and try to find the best solutions to my clients’ problems. It was more than just listening and nodding my head, I actively found solutions and gave them advice. Eventually I still didn’t think that was enough which was when I came up with the idea of _Diane_ _Hart_ , the other identity I was able to use when I didn’t want to be Jean. So if a client explained to me about an issue they were having with a friend, I would try to meet that friend as Diane and see their side of the situation and use both of my identities to find a solution and help both of them without them knowing. It never really became any kind of issue. Michael found out one time about it and was mad that I was getting so involved with my work but I never got romantically or really socially involved with anyone. It was never a problem. But then you came along,”

I readjusted my legs and loosened my scarf a little to breathe a bit easier. I turned and looked at her as Sidney had curiosity written all over her face but her face had softened from the last time I looked at her. This gave me the push I needed to continue.

“Sam was a patient of mine who spent over 8 months obsessing over an ex-girlfriend. At first, he only explained situations and old memories but never gave any real details about who the girl was or where she spent her time. Then finally one day he mentioned he walked by this coffee shop called The Rabbit Hole and that was the smoking bullet I was waiting for. I decided later that day I would see what this girl was all about. The moment I walked in the door, I truly had gone down the rabbit hole. Through the crowd of people, I saw the _most_ beautiful girl I had ever laid eyes on and without even a name tag I knew you were Sidney. He said you were like staring at the sun, you know you should probably stop, but  **it's**  the most intense feeling in the whole world that you can't help but look. And when I saw you, it finally made sense. I tried to do what I normally do when I was in a situation like this for a client; you were going to become my friend and talk to me about your ex-boyfriend who I would convince you to get back together with and you guys would live happily ever after. But when I saw you, my entire plan turned to a blank paper. I needed to get to know you and figure out the mystery behind the girl with indigo nails and the prowl of a goddess. That’s why I had trouble starting conversation first because I just didn’t expect you to look how you did or give off the energy you had. Then when I went to the Vagabond concert, I knew I was crazy. I knew I needed to turn around and go home and stop the charade. But then your voice soared through the air and right then I was magnetized and drawn to you. When we sat down and talked that night… you played with my hand and I felt the electricity. That is why I left so quickly; I could feel that this wasn’t going to be trying to help be your friend because the feelings you were giving me were anything but friendly. You said that you wanted to jump my bones the first moment when we talked? I wanted to jump your bones the first second I took a look at you. Then when you touched my hand that night? I knew I would lose complete control if I gave in,”

“That is why I hesitated when you went to kiss me those two times. Especially when you gave me the look at the café and came right at me. I knew my little bit of control was slowly going away. Obviously, you know why I freaked out when Sam came to meet you that one day. When I came to see your music thing that one night, I am sorry I didn’t tell you then that yes, I did want to see you. I wanted to see you so badly. And you deserve to know that even if it’s already in the past. Then I had the realization that maybe it wouldn’t be too bad to lose some control and I let my guard down a little when I came and kissed you that one night. I felt so happy to finally give in and I could tell you were so happy too. I felt like that’s when the adventure deepened. It was next to impossible sitting in therapy with Sam when he would mention you. I knew there was no going back, I had no interest to help him get back together with you. When I was at your apartment I felt like my walls were finally done with you which is why it hurt so much when I saw you texted him that night saying you missed him,” The memories of that night flooded my head as I remember Sidney dancing with me, our faces so close the electricity went wild as she shoved me into the chair, her taking her clothes off showing what pure perfection looks like, then us on the floor her body riding into mine as I felt her hand make its way from my ass to my breast caressing everything in its path. I remembered her tongue going crazy in my mouth and just being devoured by her lips like it was her last meal. So when I saw the text on her phone it really hit me hard home.

“It was like I said, this was different with you the rules didn’t apply,” Sidney interjected. “I found his old shirt and was just throwing it out there because I was wearing it. It wasn’t meant to be something of an I miss you let’s get back together, but just an in the moment I miss my old best friend. It wasn’t an insult at you but I felt bad that it upset you which is why I didn’t say anything about you deleting Sam from my phone. I knew for you that was a way you were showing you really wanted to be with me. A little crazy of a way but I understood it,” Sidney explained which did make my heart flutter a little because she felt the need to try and make sure I wasn’t hurt right now from something that was so long ago even after the recent events. I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly.

“That night,” I began watching her eyes lighten up a little. “Was the best night of my life. I was so happy to experience something like that with you. But then Michael came home from his trip and reality started to set in more. The little trips to The Rabbit Hole and the bathroom at the train station were great moments because I loved getting to see you but I knew I wouldn’t be able to spend any actual time overnight with you again. I knew the fantasy would be harder to chase but I wasn’t ready to give you up. But then I saw how upset you were about Sam getting engaged..” Sidney’s head perked up quickly and she looked at me.

“That wasn’t a jealousy thing! That was me panicking because I really liked you and I felt like you were distancing yourself and Sam.. he was the backup plan when things didn’t go right. Nothing that ever had any future potential to it but I didn’t have to feel alone with him. I was never upset that he wasn’t with me, I just thought he was making a huge mistake,” She finished with pleading eyes. I squeezed her hand with reassurance.

“It’s fine but whatever it was became enough for me to snap out of the fantasy and go back to what my original goal was with you and Sam; to get you back together. So I convinced you to go to his engagement party and talk to him so you could get back together. I knew if I left you would go to him and he would want to get back with you. I wanted you to be with someone who could give you all of them and not the little pieces I was capable of. You deserved to be with someone who could love you for all you had to offer rather than me be selfish keeping you to myself as the double life I had,” Sidney let go of my hand shaking her head.

“You know after you left I didn’t end up talking to him, yeah? I ordered another drink and continued looking up things about Diane Hart on my phone. Eventually I left and went back to my apartment trying to figure out what the fuck had happened that caused you to go from what we had going on to the bullshit of you trying to get me to go back to Sam. I didn’t know if that was you ending things or what. But after that article thing and seeing your picture at Michael’s office, I had everything already figured out but that was the cherry on top of the sundae. I mean I knew who you were after that night you gave me your address. I went by your apartment and some girl named Allison was there and said she was staying with a lady named Jean Holloway. When Michael came into the coffee shop and said he was buying coffee for his wife Jean, I knew it right there. I figured out part of the facade,” She said laughing while she shook her head. So she had things figured out long before I even knew. “then I went to Michael’s office about that Alexis girl’s article and went right into his office and saw the picture of you. I mean, it already confirmed what I knew but still.” She explained as I chuckled to myself at the irony of everything.

“Well, here we are to today’s events,” I said motioning to everything around us. “Michael knows I kept my old apartment and made me give up the key, he knows I am doing something sketchy with someone but he would never dare to consider it be a woman, but now if I don’t change my ways he is going to leave me and take Dolly with him,” I sighed looking away from her. The thought of my little girl being taken away was the most terrifying thought to me but Michael made it clear to me it would not be hard considering how unstable I was with my life for him to leave and gain full custody of her if necessary. Sidney tried to grab my hand but this time she could tell that I wasn’t going to give in. I looked at her apologetically but couldn’t say anything. She placed a hand on my shoulder and I could feel the electricity shoot through my veins.

“Don’t you have the slightest curiosity why I stayed here after everything? After I found out all the lies? Even tonight, I was standing against the building smoking when you were out here with your family, don’t you want to know why I didn’t run? I mean, luring people in and kicking them to the curb is my specialty, yeah? That’s what I like to do is fuck with people, yeah? But why am I still here _Jean_?” She pleaded for an answer to her question but the problem was I had _no_ idea why she actually was _still_ here after all of this, especially once she found everything out. I shrugged my shoulders and held back the tears that were fighting their way through my tired eyes.

“I honestly have no idea why you chose to stay after everything,” I said so quietly it was almost a whisper. It was the sound of pure disappointment for what I had done to this wonderful girl. I turned away from her to stare at the ground because I couldn’t look at her after all of this was said. But Sidney wasn’t having any of that. She pulled me towards her and cupped her hands on my face and was so close I could practically become the Chance by Chanel that she was wearing. I swear I had never seen her eyes look so serious, so beautiful.

“Because I fucking love you Jean. And I have been falling for you ever since you asked for your stupid Americano that one day. Every day with you has been the best adventure ever. And you know me, I do a lot of fucked up shit so for me to say that is a pretty big deal. But even with knowing how much you have lied and kept hidden from me, none of that changes the fact that you kept coming all the way out there to get coffee just to see me, or showing up at my gig, that you came out to Bushwick all those times for the pop art thing or even to track me down at rehearsal, that even as fucked up as your story was you were willing to let your guard down with _me_. It all made me love you **_that_** much more. And I think everything you did is because you are a lot like me. You keep the walls up afraid of letting people in. But you have me, **_me_** , telling you my feelings. That is what you do to me. **_You_** bring down my walls and make **_me_** want to be the good nice girl underneath the mystery and walls. Not even Sam could do that. With him I had to be strong and keep myself in check because there couldn’t be two of us being all emotional and unguarded. He kept his guard down and needed emotional support every day. It was very needy and so much bullshit. With you, you know how to keep your shit together but still let your guard down at times and just get wild. You are something special to me Jean, in a way Sam or Talia or anyone else ever has been to me.” She placed her lips slowly on mine, feeding them the sweet taste of her soft lips. I let her kiss me but I pulled back before she could deepen it anymore.

“Sidney… I can’t do this anymore. As much as I want it and **_need_** it, I am in such deep shit with Michael that I have to worry about losing my daughter. And even losing him.. my life needs the stability he offers. I would love to take Dolly and run away with you to Marfa or London or hell even South Dakota but my life is no dream. I have to do what is best for my daughter,” I said feeling my stomach start to knot. Her face looked crushed instantly.

“What do you mean? I mean fine you won’t spend the night but you can still come to the coffee shop and we can still meet..” she rambled desperately. I could hear the panic in her voice which just made what I had to say even harder.

“Sid… I can’t. besides the fact that you deserve so much more than me just hooking up with you in the backroom or at a train station, Michael is going to be watching my every move like a hawk. He’s going to be looking at my phone and paying attention to anything out of the ordinary that I do. Things would be different if Dolly wasn’t around or if she was off going to school. But that won’t be for another decade. It’s not like you can wait around for a decade for me to have things be different. But you have a life to live and so do I. We just have to move on.” Sidney shook her head and stood up.

“Jean, I am not the girl that chases after people. It is not who I am it is not what I do,” She started rambling. I sighed and stood up next to her.

“I am not asking you to do that.” I began only to get cut off.

“But here I am begging you not to go. I am not ready for this to be over” she said grabbing my hands. I could feel my heart breaking. I leaned my head against hers.

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I won’t forget about you. When I see the color blue, drink my coffee, or hear the trashy indie music play from a bar, I will think of you. I don’t regret any of this. It has all be so special to me. If only we were in some other world where we could run off,” I said mumbling against her cheek. I could feel her hot tears strolling down her face. I pulled her face into mine and kissed her so lightly knowing this was going to be goodbye. I wanted more but I knew if we let anything more happen we wouldn’t be able to walk away from each other. As our lips parted, I leaned my head towards hers. I gently wiped her tears off and cupped her face.

“I love you too,” I said then kissed her one last time. I turned to leave still holding her hands as they fell to the ground the further I walked. I didn’t turn around to look at her for I knew if I did I would run right back to her. I kept walking till I reached my car then drove off leaving my little piece of Brooklyn standing at the school with a cigarette in one hand and a broken heart in the other.

 _Sidney_  

 _What.The_. ** _Fuck_**. Just happened.

I stood in front of some silly elementary school grabbing a cigarette out of my jacket and flaring it up so I could have a smoke. If there was ever a moment I needed it, this was it.

I watched her walk away as I felt my heart shatter more and more as she grew further from sight. It wasn’t until I saw her car drive off into the distance that I felt as though my heart had stopped beating. What the fuck was wrong with me? This wasn’t who I am. Not anymore. I didn’t let people affect me in this kind of way where I would sit and cry like a scared little bitch. I tossed my cigarette to the side and began walking towards the train station.

I knew I needed to clear my head and normally in these situations I would go to some random sketchy club and hook up with anyone to drowned out the empty feelings I was having. But tonight, I didn’t think I had it in me to just go someplace far away from home. If I didn’t go home, I was certain that I would never make it home for a while. The train stopped at Bushwick and I sighed as I got off seeing my apartment in the distance. There was a swanky club not too far off that I knew would be a cool gaff to venture off to. I glanced back at my apartment then shook my head and went towards the club.

The crowd was the typical gormless type that I knew was going to be a waste. I took a seat at the bar and ordered my typical Fireball shot and took it immediately, feeling my throat burn as the alcohol hit it on its way down. I ordered another knowing it was about to be a long night.my eyes scanned the crowd for anyone of particular interest; to my left was a group of sleazy guys looking like they were part of a bachelor party just waiting for a girl to come cause trouble. Nope that would not be me tonight. There were a couple cute girls circulating but nothing caught my eye. As I was about to give up and order another shot, a blonde girl started making her way towards me. I knew exactly the type she was based off of her look; she was wearing a black tight belly shirt that showed off her figure in its best form with her boobs popping right out, perky for everyone to see and she was wearing a short skirt that with one sneeze her bum would be out for the world to see. She was a girl that was a lot like me except looking for attention. And her attention made its way right to me.

“Hogging the bar is pretty rude don’t you know?” she said flashing herself forward so I could see just how tight her v neck was. I took my shot hoping I could just get Jean out of my mind and focus on anything else. What better way to say screw off then to hook up with another blonde girl? I raised my brows and tipped back my shot glass.

“There’s plenty room for more,” I said as I gestured her towards my personal space which she gladly obliged. She was practically on my lap when she leaned towards the bartender.

“I’ll have whatever she is having,” she said as she went to lean away but I put my hand up.

“Actually, can I have an old fashioned, neat? Bullit please?” I asked the bartender, attempting to see him through the blonde who was partially leaning on my knee now. He nodded and looked at the girl and asked if she would be having the same. A look of disgust and she shook her head.

“Anything but Bullit I feel like it almost comes off too sweet.” She said and waved the bartender off. She turned to look at me ready to say something I knew I wouldn’t care about and I stood up from my stool backing away.

“Actually, I got to go.” I said then turned away. Sweet was what I needed, not some edgy girl throwing herself at me. I downed my Bourbon quickly then headed for the exit so I could get home. I just didn’t want to be around anyone because no one was like Jean.

I approached my apartment and sighed as I walked through the hallway remembering the walk I had with Jean here not too long ago.

_“I used to live in a place just like this,” She said looking around fascinated. I turned and smirked at her._

_“You used to do a lot of things it seems,” I said as I jiggled my key into the door then glanced back at her and smiled as she rolled her eyes at me but followed me into my apartment._

God, if only she could be walking with me in here now. I jiggled my key and pushed hard to open the door. I shut it and leaned against the door and closed my eyes, happy to be away from the world right now. I wasn’t one to show my emotions in general but especially not in public.

“Shit,” My silence was broken and my eyes immediately shot open to see Sam sitting on the floor petting Stevie looking pathetic as ever. I rolled my eyes throwing my keys on the counter.

“What the fuck Sam, what are you doing here?” I asked folding my arms not wanting to remotely deal with this bullshit right now. He stood up coming very close to me.

“I was supposed to be celebrating my engagement with Emily and I just… couldn’t do it. I looked at her through the window and all I wanted was to see you so I came here,” He said coming even closer and grabbing my hands. “It’s you who I am supposed to be with, not her. I am sorry I even wasted time with her. I want to be with you.” He moved closer in to kiss me but I shoved him away.

“I’m glad you had that revelation but I have no interest for this Sam, you need to go. Go back to Emily.” I stated and started walking towards the door to let him out. He grabbed my hand with the old desperation I remember so well.

“Is this some kind of game Sid? My punishment for going back to Emily?” He said laughing and grabbing for my hand but I swatted it away angrily.

“Sam bug off. What part of me is giving you any impression that this is what I want?” I asked putting my hands on my hips. Yet again he launched towards me to grab my waist but I pushed him away.

“I thought this was what you wanted? I am not the same sad puppy dog. I am a strong man who knows what he wants,” He said pleading for my affection. I stared at the 6’5 guy standing in front of me with his bogus mustache and curly hair. Before this look did it for me and I probably would have launched back into his arms. But unless he would magically turn into the 45-year-old blonde goddess I was missing, he wasn’t going to cut it anymore. I pushed him away yet again.

“Sam, I have been sleeping with a woman for the last few months. She has made me feel more alive and happy than I ever have in my entire life. Rainbows and butterflies and shit. I don’t want to be with you Sam. Not now. Not ever. Now fuck off and leave me alone” I spat and opened the door to show him the way out that he knew so well. His eyes saddened at my confession but that wasn’t my responsibility to deal with. As he walked out the door and out of my life, he turned around one last time expecting for a different answer. I stepped closer giving him small hope.

“Oh, and Sam? Don’t ever come here again or I’ll fuck you up good, yeah?” I said then I slammed the door and locked it. I sighed and walked over to my hammock because my bed was the last place I could handle being. Although, my entire apartment reeked out memories of Jean from that one night. I sighed and grabbed the weed I had sitting under the hammock and took my lighter from my pocket. I ran my finger over the tiger that was on the lighter. After I lit my blunt, I chucked the lighter into a corner and leaned back in the hammock. Fuck that stupid lighter. And fuck these feelings I am feeling.

I took a drag and stared up at the ceiling, getting lost in the thoughts of the blonde that got away and took my heart with her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Do You Play With Me?

Chapter 2

Do you play with me?

 

_Jean_

 

I walked in the door to be greeted with Michael laying on the couch fast asleep. “Great,” I thought. He was still upset so here I was spending the night alone in bed. Again. I sighed and walked up the stairs to my room, ready to spend the night on my own.

My phone buzzed several times and I glanced down at it to see the one letter I just couldn’t handle seeing in this moment. I clicked the screen and unlocked my phone opening the messages from S.

_Jean_

_I can’t do this._

_Please._

I closed my eyes tightly so I could keep the tears back. I locked my phone and threw it on the bed. I barely had the energy to change into my nightgown but I mustered some energy and changed then fell right into my bed. I laid down staring at the wall, feeing as though my body was hollow and there was nothing inside of me. And even though he wasn’t the one I wanted in my bed, it didn’t help that Michael was sleeping on the couch tonight.

I remembered the first night me and Sidney had slept together. I had slept with plenty of men before to know what I was doing when it came to sex. Sleeping with a woman, especially in Sidney’s case wasn’t too different considering she was more dominant than I was so she did the heavy lifting.

After having probably one of the best orgasms I had ever had, we laid there for a while just smiling at each other like two love-struck teenagers. I pushed the hair out of her eyes and left my hand resting on my cheek. She nuzzled her face into my hand, soaking in the warmth of my touch. I stared at her just thinking of all the crazy adventures we could take together. And I knew it wasn’t the weed anymore considering it had worn off but I could see myself with her. Like really see myself. I could see myself coming home after a day of therapy to her writing lyrics in the family room, ready to greet me as I came home. I could see her running up to Dolly and picking her up pretending to throw her around in the air like she could fly. I saw us sitting watching her future plays, two proud women of their little girl. I could see me walking in on Sid teaching Dolly guitar lessons or how to play some other kind of instrument, taking the time to teach her every little step.

I was no fool and knew I could easily talk myself out of seeing a future with Sidney. It wouldn’t be too hard considering all the factors; for starters, she was an entire 20 years younger than I was. An age gap like that is pretty drastic. We are at two different points of our lives with our different ages. I was starting to delve into menopause and she was still partying in clubs. I was a therapist making pretty good money while she was a barista who was willing to meet up in the middle of her shift to go to museums or was practicing for her demo. She didn’t have any career goals that would bring in massive amounts of money, just enough to pay for rent every month. I had a kid. And a husband. But aside from the husband, I still had Dolly which changes a lot of things in my life. I have the responsibility to take care of her first above everything else. But probably the biggest red flag I could think of was that Sidney was a wild child who did whatever she wanted no matter how reckless it was to her or others. When it came down to it, it was very easy to justify why I shouldn’t be with Sidney at all.

But I knew myself well enough to know it wasn’t that easy. I could pretend it was but it was going to be a lot harder to let the cons win  _so easily_.

Because I knew… the age gap made things  **exciting**. She was able to show me ways to live life that reminded me not to take everything so seriously. She offered a fresh perspective to not look at things in such a black and white sense. She may be younger but she offered a new perspective that made me think in a different kind of way. I knew she was happy with her music and deep down I know I would be willing to support whatever dream she had, even if it meant I brought in more money than her. I know that if she were to be with me, she would find ways to make ends meet with money and be able to contribute. I was 100% sure that she would get along with Dolly famously because of how sweet she was when she first found out I had a niece and when Dolly accidentally began facetiming with her. I could easily see Sidney playing with Dolly and treating her like she was her own. But the biggest thing that was the biggest con was also the biggest pro; the wild side of Sidney brought out a  **wild**  side in me, the real me. I didn’t have to hold back or be afraid to be judged by Sidney. She wanted me to be myself and it was so easy to do around her. So, for as many drawbacks as there were to being with her, the positives still outweighed the negatives

  
I turned on my other side staring at the empty space next to me, wishing she could be here. The hardest part was knowing I could text her right now to come over and she would. But life didn’t work out that easily. I drifted off to sleep with Sidney on my mind. 

I woke up the next day to Dolly jumping on the bed. I slowly opened my eyes feeling like a train had hit me. I glanced at the clock as Dolly was screaming in my face.  _8:00am_  it read.  _Fuck_. I should have been up already and showered to go to work. I knew that wasn’t going to happen on time today. I grabbed my phone and texted Gary letting him know I would be coming in late due to Dolly being sick and needing to be taken to the doctor for a checkup. I texted the few morning clients I had and let them know we would have to reschedule for next week due to the same bullshit excuse. 

I sighed and hugged Dolly tightly. I looked up slowly seeing Michael in the doorway staring at me. His eyes showed disproval and it was evident he was not going to be happy with me anytime soon.

“Overslept?” He questioned with a hint of judgement in his voice. So it was going to be like this around the house now? He was making it very tough to want to be with him right now. I knew he was my rock of stability but there was evident tension between us now but I had no desire to try and make it all go back to normal. Not today at least. I knew I would have to get my shit together tomorrow but today I was going to sulk and just be on my own to deal with the current heart break I was going through. I sat up with Dolly in my lap and played with her short hair.

“No, I just didn’t have many clients today and the morning one cancelled so Gary told me to skip supervision and come in at the next appointment. He knows I have been putting in a lot of stressful hours lately,” I said looking at Michael trying to read his expression and if he believed me or not. It seemed to work at least a little because he nodded and glanced at his phone.

“Oh shit,” he mumbled under his breath. He motioned at Dolly. “Kid we gotta go if I am taking you to school. We will let your mom sleep some more. I’ll see you later Jeanie.” He said then blew a kiss my way. Dolly smiled at the interaction between her two  _madly in love_  parents. I smiled at her then kissed her forehead ushering her to go to her father. I laid back down for a moment listening to all the shuffling around downstairs until I heard the garage door open and close. Good, now it was time for coffee before I went back to sulk.

I headed downstairs looking around at the scene. Michael must have put all the sheets away so Dolly didn’t see he slept down here last night. At least she had no idea what was going on so I didn’t have to worry about that. I glanced at the breakfast that was left on the table. I sighed at the mess and went to go grab a towel to wipe down the table. As I walked over to the counter, I noticed Michael had left his phone there. He must have put it down when grabbing his coffee for the road. I glanced at the time. No way would he turn around now when he needed to get Dolly to school. I had at least 20 solid minutes of snooping before he would be back.

I slowly walked over to the window to peer out just in case then walked back to the kitchen and leaned against the counter. I put in his passcode and went straight to the messages. Normally I didn’t care to see his phone because I trusted he wasn’t doing anything wrong. Michael was pretty straight laced and wasn’t capable of lying and having an affair. It just wasn’t who he was. It wasn’t only a second later that I realized that idea of Michael may be wrong. As I read who the recipient was from the first message on his screen, I practically dropped the phone out of my hand. The top message was from Katherine.

_Fucking Katherine._

My hands began to shake out of rage, out of jealousy, out of frustration. I opened her messages half expecting this just to be a onetime deal but as I scrolled I saw that this wasn’t the case at all. They talked all day yesterday. They had been talking for months. What.the.fuck.

I was so angry the world began to spin around me. Here I was getting a lecture from him yesterday about controlling  _my_  fucking impulses when he had been talking to his ex-girlfriend for  _months_. I was feeling bad for having this affair with Sidney only to find out that Michael wasn’t capable of cutting out the one person he knew I didn’t want him talking to. I felt so betrayed I was ready to chuck his phone right at the wall. But before I could do that, I needed to see what they had been talking about, especially today. I scrolled to yesterday’s texts to see what they had been talking about as our marriage was falling apart.

_M: I need to see you badly_

_K: What’s wrong?_

_M: I’m pretty sure my marriage is over_

_K: Doesn’t it kind of make you wonder why you left me in the first place?_

_M: I made a mistake clearly_

_M: But I am still here after all this time. That means something right?_

_K: You are a good guy Mike, you deserve to be appreciated and taken care of._

_M: When can I see you?_

_K: I’ll call you later_

_M: Okay. Good morning beautiful._

_M: Hope you have a good day._

_K: Are we still on for later?_

I set the phone down trying to not throw it against the wall. My hands still shaking, I knew I needed this to be good. I still had 20 minutes and I was going to utilize every second. I picked up the phone and went to the messages. I clicked reply and sent a simple Yes and clicked send and laid his phone back on the counter where I left it. I went upstairs, grabbed my phone and texted my mom, letting her know I needed her to watch Dolly at the house for a couple days because I needed to take a couple days to myself. My mom being as crazy as she was, understood and replied saying she would be there in an hour. I set my phone down and hopped in the shower quickly knowing I had 15 minutes to execute my plan. As soon as I was done, I blow dried my hair, put on a flowy black v neck and grabbed my phone, jacket, and purse and headed right out the door.

I drove my car to my apartment but as soon as I arrived, I knew going there wasn’t going to help me. I needed to clear my head so I began walking. It seemed like hours without a destination but I didn’t care anymore at this point.

If Michael thought he was going to be playing a game with me, he didn’t realize who he was playing with.

_Sidney_

I opened my eyes to a dark apartment. I must have fallen asleep in the hammock last night because I woke up just lying there, my back destroyed from the lack of stability. Much like my life. I got up and rummaged through my bag trying to find my blue dream knowing I needed a blunt desperately right now. I grabbed that and my tiger lighter that I had thrown last night and lit up. I took a drag and wondered how I got to this moment. How did I, Sidney Pierce, come to a point in my life that I was sulking in my apartment over a girl. This wasn’t me, this wasn’t who I was. But yet here I was laying in my hammock, blunt in one hand and all my feelings spilling out.

I remembered the first moment I saw Jean when she walked into the Rabbit Hole.  _It was impossible not to notice her. She was looking around when I first caught a glimpse of her._

_  
No way was this woman gay. She looked was to prim and proper like she was married and had kids but had a tennis instructor she was snogging on the side. I casually went back to making coffee pretending I hadn’t noticed her. but if she had asked me to give her a tour of the storage room, I gladly will oblige without blinking an eye. Prim and proper may not be my style, but I sure would love to jump her bones and show her how proper I could really be._

_“What can I get for you? I asked barely making eye contact with her assuming she wasn’t into women so no need to waste my good flirting on a straight woman._

_“Americano” she stated as the word slipped right off her lips like it was a secret. It sounded so good when she said it that I had half a mind to go drink an Americano myself. I walked away to start making it as I asked for the name of the order._

_“Diane,”_

That simple name would alter my life forever.

_I remember her coming back later that day. She ordered the house Chardonnay but I gave her some mixed drink that I knew would taste a lot better. As I maneuvered around the coffee area, I could tell she was making conversation to just talk with me to get to know me. normal people don’t are about the barista life as much as she did. I could tell. And this little piece of information was enough for me to take a guess she might actually be interested._

_“I’m a writer,” She explained. I had to hold back my snort. No way was this corporate looking lady actually a writer. But I played along asking if I would know who she was. I kept moving around to appear busy and half interested but really I was hanging on to every word she was saying. I decided to be bold and snicker a little bit causing her to question me._

_“It’s just that… you’re not our typical type of customer,” I said laughing, watching her face show confusion and worry. “It’s not a bad thing,” I paused and looked at her. “It’s actually kinda hot”_

_I noticed her mouth form a small O in shock of what I had just said. But it wasn’t a bad shock, more like she was pleased to hear this kind of answer. Pleased to hear that someone like me would think she was hot. I introduced myself so this fine creature would have my name._

_“I’m Dia..” she started but I cut her off._

_“Diane. I won’t forget this time.” I said then trailed off to the back fighting away the strange butterflies this random woman was giving me. I walked away smiling and only wished I could see her reaction. My coworker told me as soon as I walked away she grabbed one of my band’s flyers and put it in her purse. I knew it was too crazy to think she would actually make her way to Brooklyn to see some strangers show. But a girl could dream._

_I knew there was no way she would come to my show. So when I was singing and a beautiful blonde appeared in the crowd, I couldn’t help but smile. I couldn’t help but fall for her smile just seeing her staring up at me. I wanted her to never stop looking. When the set was over, I looked around for her but she was nowhere to be seen. Was I dreaming? Did I just think I saw her when really it was someone else? I dragged Frances outside with me for a smoke. We chatted about the show a little but I couldn’t get Diane out of my mind. As if the world was actually turning in my favor, I heard heals clicking against the sidewalk so I looked up to see my mysterious writer in the flesh._

_“You lost?” It seemed that those two words spoke a mouthful. Because we both were lost in our own ways just looking for something to bring clarity and joy into our lives. Mindless chit chatter and smoking a cigarette with this woman was everything I needed._

_“You have quite a presence, its rare,” She stated taking a drag from her cigarette looking at me with fascination. Hearing those words made it sound like I was something special, like I mattered. But what really through me for a look was this woman came all the way here to come see me play. Not with her boyfriend or even friends but just alone by herself. No way was I passing up this opportunity. When she asked if Frances was my boyfriend I could tell she was digging to see who I was into but I figured I would keep her in the dark._

_“I don’t do relationships anymore. At least not serious ones,” I said looking at her studying my expressions as I talked. This woman fascinated me as she kept asking me dodging questions to see what kind of person it is that I would be with. It only made me want to be around her more._

_“Let’s get a drink,” I said encouraging this conversation to go somewhere more private. She questioned if I had friends waiting to see me or other people to hang with but I made it clear there was no one I wanted to spend my time with. I wanted to get to know this mysterious woman who came all the way to Brooklyn to watch me perform._

_“Fine one drink.” And down the Rabbit Hole we went._

_I didn’t know what it was about her that made me want to know everything about her. when I touched her hand, I saw her internally freak out which only made me want to know more. Was she nervous? Or was she even more intrigued than I was? Then the next week she came all the way out to Bushwick to my friend’s pop up party. I couldn’t believe she came out all that way just to see me, besides the fact that she was making regular stops at the Rabbit Hole for coffee, but I was impressed. So when I had my alone time with her and we were dancing, I practically had to tame myself to not jump her bones then. I couldn’t help it so I put my hands on her hips and guided her to the wall. I wanted to rip her clothes off right there and then but her lips kept evading my face which just caused me to kiss and bite every part of her face and neck that I could get my mouth on. That was when her first characteristic of herself became sketchy; her “niece” calling and calling her “mommy”. I pretended I didn’t hear it but it was obvious something was up. especially when she freaked out right after._

_I was scared when she wouldn’t answer my texts because I needed to see her again. I tried and tried to get ahold of her to tell her I was sorry and I didn’t mean to step my boundaries. I was ready to give up against her radio silence when I tried one last attempt to make amends by inviting her to a screening of an old movie._

_I sat in my chair waiting and wishing she would be there. Every time someone walked in the back area, my head would jolt over to see if it was her but much to my dismay, it was always some random person I didn’t give a shit to see._

_But then someone walked through the door and I turned to look to see my blonde mystery woman. I couldn’t help but smile as I waved her over. I was so happy to see her but I knew I needed to control my impulses so I didn’t scare her off again. Maybe she noticed me coyly putting my hand on hers when I handed her the drink I got her. Maybe she noticed when I had my hand against her. maybe she didn’t. but I knew she felt the electricity too._

I held the lighter in my hands looking at it closely. The tiger was symbolic of so many things and the fact that she gave it to me in such a nice way just made it so much more special. She noticed I didn’t have one. So she got me a fancy expensive zippo lighter. Such a small gesture that no one else, not even Sam, would think of. I brushed my hand over the tiger.

_“Are you really here for coffee?”_

_“Maybe.. it’s on my way to work.” She shrugged looking at me with a cute smirk._

_“God I can barely get a compliment” I rolled my eyes playfully._

_The conversation was led to the backroom where if I had it my way, I would have had Diane’s pants on the floor next to the coffee beans but for now I would have to settle for the playful chit chat._

_“I noticed you didn’t have one.” She said pulling out a black zippo lighter with a tiger on the front. I was so shocked to get such a small thoughtful gift I was barely able to speak. This woman grew more fascinating each day, regardless of how mysterious she was. I needed to know more about her._

_“I wanna know about you,” I said holding the lighter tightly staring at Diane’s beautiful thoughtful face. I wanted to pull her in right at that moment._

_“What do you wanna know?” she asked sincerely._

_“Everything.”_

_“Intense,” she whispered ever so quietly I almost didn’t hear her. god the more she talked the more I needed to touch her, get closer to her._

_“I can be,” I started as I played with her jacket pulling her closer. “When I like someone or something.” I went in for the kill but she backed away and turned the other way. This woman knew how to drive a girl crazy!_

I closed the lighter and my eyes for a moment to gather my thoughts. Maybe it was just me. maybe I was just crazy. But I knew there was no way I was the only one feeling the sparks between us. I glanced at my nails and saw my polish was digging off so I tossed my lighter on the hammock and made my way to the bathroom to get my polish. I held the blue bottle in my hand studying it carefully.

_“If I give you too much information will you run?” I was so confused I barely could mutter a response. “You like to fuck with people. Lure them in and kick them to the curb.”_

_“Does that scare you Diane?”_

_“Not at all. Its impressive actually. The power you seem to hold. But just so you know… I am not going to fall for that.” She stated ever so bluntly. I felt a small kick in the gut. This woman thought I was heartless._

_“Do you think this is a game? That I am just trying to fuck with you?” I shook my head. “I just want to get to know you,” I said desperately. I just wanted to know who this woman was that was invading my thoughts every second of the day. Who had me popping my head up every time the door swung open at the Rabbit Hole. But her answer was the first time I knew she was lying. She told me she didn’t have any siblings but claimed she had a niece from her sister. I knew it wasn’t worth pursuing, considering it was very apparent she felt guarded. But she still gave me something to know of her even if it was the truth to a lie._

_“You satisfied?” she asked coming closer towards me which I took as an invitation. I was definitely about to be. I pulled her in to kiss her but she moved her face away._

_“We’re not doing anything wrong. Trust me. Nobody gives a shit” I pleaded, desperate to know what her lips tasted like. I craved to see what the innocence would taste like and how I could mess up her pure demeanor. “Although, you are cute when you’re nervous” I said smiling up at her cute anxious face as she shook her head telling me it wasn’t that. Then it clicked. Maybe it was more than just a girl going after another girl. Maybe she wasn’t used to this. Maybe she didn’t typically go for woman._

_“Have you ever been with a woman before?” I asked and was greeted with silence. That was okay I was willing to show her everything she needed to know and then some. I could have her shaking in her boots in under a minute. I knew how to make anyone, girl or guy, scream for more. Then I noticed her indigo nail polish that mimicked mine and couldn’t help but play with her fingers ever so gently which seemed to calm her down. But then the second major problem occurred when Sam told me he was coming to see me and Diane freaked out. Right there should have been my next major red flag but I was more angry that she snapped than anything._

_After meeting up with Sam for a drink, I wanted to forget about Diane that night. She was messing with my head and I couldn’t handle it. Why didn’t she just want to be with me and cut the bullshit? It was obvious she was interested in something with me. The chemistry was there. What was the problem?_

_I kept taking more and more shots after each thought causing Sam to take my last shot glass and put it down._

_“Easy there you are going to get sick.” He said moving closer and putting his hand on my thigh. I didn’t want it there but I just didn’t give a damn right now about anything. I was hurt, I was mad, and now I wanted to just drown her out. I looked at Sam giving him the look that he knew what was on my mind. He leaned in to give me a sweet, loving kiss but I didn’t want sweet and innocent from him. I needed to get lost in something so I shoved him back onto my bed and straddled his body. I unbuttoned each button on his shirt as quickly as I could then unzipped his pants. I didn’t want him to start going for that making love shit so I hurried with all of my actions so we could fuck and get it over with. Maybe then I would feel something else._

_My pants were across the room as well as my mind while my body was rocking on Sam’s body. I rode into him trying to crush every thought I had of Diane but it was no use. Sam kept trying to kiss me but I kept shoving his body back onto the bed, trying to get myself off not play the love game. I felt him losing it the more aggressive I got and rode into him once last time causing him to cum. I rolled off of him and faced the window feeling empty as ever. He tried scooting closer to rap his arms around me._

_“Fuck off Sam, not now.” I said then shut my eyes keeping the image of my blonde mystery lady alive._

I walked into the kitchen to find something to eat. I opened my fridge to find nothing in there but milk and eggs. I had some bread on counter I could just make a basic egg and toast breakfast. I sighed and moved towards the stove, clicking it on to watch the fire flame up.

_“What the fuck?” I asked as I saw Diane walk into my rehearsal space. I didn’t get why she was here. Why was she playing this game with me? she wouldn’t give me a straight answer except this time I wasn’t going to let her off the hook so easily._

_“Why can’t you just admit you want to see me?” I stepped forward pleading angrily for an answer. This woman was driving me insane and all I wanted was an answer but she wasn’t willing to give it to me. she made it clear she wasn’t happy I saw Sam and I had no issue throwing it in her face that I fucked him the night prior. If she was going to try and hurt me I would hurt her right back._

_“You talk a big game,” I started, desperation in my voice seeping out. “But when it comes down to it, you’re just a scared little girl” And with that, she turned and walked right out of my life. I could feel the tears peering through but I knew I couldn’t let them out. I took a swig of my beer and turned back to the guys to continue practicing even though we all knew this night was over._

_I couldn’t stop thinking about that night and her showing up. it made me so mad that she couldn’t just admit she wanted to see me. and that all these writer stories were complete bullshit. But I was more willing to play that game than the one with my feelings._

_Days later I was watching a band play at the rehearsal space smoking a cigarette drowning out the awful music inside. I just needed some air to escape because the music was making me lightheaded. Wrapped up in my own thoughts, I slightly jumped when I heard someone’s boots walking towards me. No way was this going to be her. I turned around to be face to face with none other than Diane with a smile on her face._

_“What do you want now?” I asked, anger seeping through my voice. She continued to smile then stepped closer to me pulling me, kissing me with a passion I didn’t know existed. She pressed her lips ever so gently onto mine and slipped her tongue in my mouth playing to a rhythm of her own song. I played back letting my tongue glide against hers desperate for more. Her breath tasted like fresh mint, the perfect taste in my mouth. I needed more but I knew that couldn’t happen tonight. I pulled away looking at her in awe._

_“For the record, I’m not scared” she said then walked back to her car like this was the most casual conversation we had ever had, leaving me there like a little teenage girl who just got kissed on her first date. I turned back around smiling knowing that the adventure was far from over. Further down the Rabbit Hole we go._

My tiny apartment smelled like a diner, fresh eggs and toast filling the air. I wish I wasn’t eating alone right about now. It would be nice to have some company. Especially this early in the day. I glanced at my clock to see it was 2 in the afternoon. Well I guess it wasn’t so early anymore. I didn’t even realize I slept in so late. I didn’t like feeling this way. And I sure as hell didn’t like some woman causing me to feel this way. I took a bite of my eggs trying to shake the memories away.

After that day, it all seemed to blur together. The breakfast at the hotel, the museum where Diane passed out (another red flag when she mentioned Michael), leading up to the best night of my life; The Full Sidney Experience, as Jean liked to call it.

_Leading her into my apartment felt so right. I could barely keep my hands off of her when she came inside as I began to peel off her jacket. I sensed this made her nervous and ran to grab drinks as she suggested that, assuming it would calm her nerves down. I mean we both knew where this night was going. For once Diane didn’t have any “deadlines” or running off to anywhere mysterious. Tonight, there was no boundaries and the lines were going to be crossed. But I tried to keep in mind that she had never been with a woman before so I didn’t want to freak her out._

_We started the night off with a simple game of truth or dare with a twist to it. I could see she was enjoying herself and didn’t feel the need to have her guard up. This only made me fall for her more._

_“But I like this game,” She said smiling at me, lighting up my world._

_“Good, because I like you. A lot.” I said sliding my hand on her thigh, showing small affection. But then I flipped the coin and continued to dominate. It started off nice and easy by asking a couple questions. But then she dared me to dance and I didn’t back down from a dare. Until it became my turn and I dared her to put on a show for me._

_She danced in the light as if there wasn’t a care in the world or any responsibility holding her back. But what really killed me is when she put her hands out for me to join her. I didn’t want to hold back anymore. I needed to be on this girl now. I launched at her moving closely to her face, biting her chin and just ready to pounce until she lightly pushed me on my chair. I beamed up at her for this little dominant gesture as she kissed my neck and a moan escaped my lips. I jolted up and pushed her into the chair. I pounced at her face, licking, biting, and kissing everything I had access to. But then she told me to take off my shirt and my pants. Right there I about came my pants. I stared at her with my mostly naked body awaiting approval._

_“You’re so fucking perfect” she said with such sincerity in her voice. I remained speechless as she took in the image in front of her. And then I launched my body onto hers letting myself straddle her demure figure._

_“I’ll tell you what to do I know you are new to all of this,” I said in between kisses. I stared at her waiting for her answer._

_“You don’t need to tell me anything,” She breathed out and I dove right back, straddling her body with my half naked body. This led to us making out on my floor, my body grinding on top of hers. I was about to lose my shit with her when I thought it would be a good idea to go smoke a blunt because you have the best orgasms high. At least I do. Eventually we started talking about different things in our lives and I finally asked about Michael._

_It was starting to become clear who Diane was saying she was, wasn’t really the case. Besides that there was no way Diane was a writer, her stories were constantly in a mix. She told me she had a niece but then told me the next time that she had no siblings. She makes it sounds like she understands what it is like to have a serious job and a family almost as if she does have one. And she definitely sounds closer to this Michael guy than an ex-husband. I don’t know what Diane’s job was but for some reason I really think she may have some other kind of life and have a family. It also didn’t help that from how Emily described Sam’s therapist that she sounded a lot like Diane especially with how hot she was. But that would be way too fucked up. Maybe that was part of me feeling paranoid._

_When I went to get my weed, I grabbed a flannel I found near my bed. It was Sam’s. fucking Sam. I felt bad for how I reacted the other day, so cold and mean using him. He was my best friend for several years after all. Maybe I didn’t want to date him but he was still a friend. Which is probably what possessed me to take a picture of myself saying I missed him. Not in a romantic sense but just in a hey best friend I miss you kind of way._

_I returned to Diane and gave my full attention back to this beautiful woman. I couldn’t believe I had her all to myself today. Nothing was in the way of our fantasy tonight. The conversations we were having let us explore who we both are. It was wonderful. It was real. No lies, no bullshit. Just me and Diane. Nothing was stopping us._

_“I don’t know if it’s the weed or… it’s just in this moment, I feel like I can see myself. With you” she whispered. I was so entrapped by what she said I didn’t know how to respond. She leaned in closer ready to give herself in when we were interrupted by a BUZZ. I stepped away to go let the pizza guy in. While we ate the pizza, Diane remained quiet like something was on her mind but tonight she was all in. so if something was bothering her, I wanted her to come tell me on her own._

_I put my last bit of crust in the box then turned to look at Diane ready for her to finally speak._

_“I’m not going to let you fuck with me, you hear me” She said breaking the silence. It caught me off guard causing me to question what she was referring to. She must have seen my phone thinking I was messing around with Sam still. I looked at her sincerely, partially offended that she would think I was still trying to hurt her._

_“Look, everyone else and everything else...” I paused looking down. “this is different for me. and I think it might be for you too. The rules don’t really apply” I said as I gathered up the pizza box and turned off the lights. I felt bad that she was jealous but I needed her to trust me. I motioned that I was going to go change as she got up and walked over to my bed. When I returned she was laying on my bed waiting for me. what a site to her this beautiful creature in my bed waiting for my arrival._

_As I laid down, she moved closer to me and pulled me in for a kiss. It was so soft and innocent that it actually turned me on, wanting more from her. she cradled her body until it was on top of mine deepening the kiss as she pressed on my back to bring me closer to her than I already was. I could feel her body pulsating wanting more just like mine did. I breathed heavy as my back arched with the tingles running through my body. She positioned herself straddling my body and dipped back down to kiss me again except this time my body needed more. I flipped her over on her back and began kissing her neck and pulled off her shirt revealing her breasts. I threw off my shirt and pressed myself onto her letting our bodies collide. I made my way down to her pelvis kissing every inch of skin on the way down. I pulled off my panties and inserted myself inside of her letting the moans escape her mouth as I kept thrusting into her. I could feel her body jolting from every touch, every bit of ecstasy between the two of us. I held onto her tight so I could feel her body shaking with pleasure as we both were moaning into each other’s ears. If only we could have this every day. This was a different kind of sex for me. it was so sweet and passionate, different from Sam or anyone else I have ever slept with. We came at the same time as I moaned her name and she moaned mine causing me to just cum even harder. This woman had me in a trance. I rolled off of her still holding her close. She wrapped her arms around my waist as I put my arm around her body. I kissed her ever so lightly on the lips and she fell asleep in my arms. Here lies Diane, walls down and body naked in true form. In that moment, I knew I was falling hard in love with this woman._

I swallowed hard at the memories I had in my bed as I laid there thinking of everything I shouldn’t be thinking about. I hugged my pillow closely holding back the tears. Jean would never be back at my apartment again. All those memories were just mere memories now. I closed my eyes trying to go back to sleep again before more memories crashed into me.

The visits to the coffee shop became more heated. The back room was the easiest spot to bring her and hook up with her because all the guys there knew to leave me alone so I could be with Diane. When I tried taking that picture of her and she freaked out, it helped confirm some kind of suspicion that she didn’t want someone to know the life she was living. Talking about running away and taking a trip to Marfa would be so easy just to leave all the bullshit behind and just be together. But whatever Diane wasn’t telling me was definitely the cause as to why we couldn’t up and leave today. But I had a feeling even if she wasn’t ready to tell me, I was soon going to figure it out myself.

 _The night of Sam’s engagement party was the big bomb of it all. After Diane invited me to her place finally, I thought she was opening up the last of her secrets only to flip things at the last minute. She encouraged me to go back to Sam, fix things and be with him. She left me at the party to talk to him and left thinking that’s what I did. But I stared at him from afar and realized as much as I thought Emily was a bad choice, that didn’t make me a better choice. I wasn’t good for him and she wasn’t any better. At least not yet. He needed time to heal. But that was his decision and I wouldn’t change that. I went home that night without speaking to him_.

After she told me her last name and address, things started to become more clear. There was no was Diane Hart was a real journalist. And once she told me her address, I decided to pop over on a night I needed to talk only for a girl named Allison to answer the door. She said she was staying at a Jean Holloway’s apartment and that she was somewhat a friend of hers. Then it clicked and made sense. I googled Jean Holloway and sure enough a website to a therapist named Jean Holloway popped up. figuring out that the story she sent me wasn’t hers, I googled that then tracked down this Alexis girl who worked at the same place Michael did. It wasn’t hard to figure out who he was when he came in getting coffee for his wife Jean. I just had a feeling which is why I gave him a flyer for my Instagram page so he could see what really was happening if somehow Diane was his wife. Once I went into his office I saw the picture of Diane and her daughter and knew I had figured it out. Then I saw on some school website that Jean was going to be making a speech there that night. I knew what needed to happen.

I snuck into the auditorium and listened to the words Jean spoke about power and bullies. I stood amazed at who this woman was on the surface for others to see but I also couldn’t believe I had figured her story out. No more lying or games. I figured her out. And in that moment, she turned and looked at me happy to see that I figured it out too.

Which led me back to this moment right here. I finally let the tears come until the rhythm of my crying put me fast asleep.

I woke up what seemed like hours later considering my apartment was almost pitch black with a select few lights on. It was downpouring outside and lightening was striking outside. It perfectly described my current mood; I could feel the mascara attached to my face from my crying. I heard a knocking which is what woke me up and the person didn’t seem to be getting the hint. It was probably Sam again. I rolled my eyes.

“Piss off Sam!” I shouted as I walked over to the door wearing nothing but my panties and a t shirt. The knocking only continued which made me get more irritated. I quickly unlocked everything and flung the door open ready to yell. But instead of Sam standing in my doorway, it was someone else.

In front of me soaking wet, was none other than Jean.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for your kind words! The story is nowhere near from over and i already have the next few chapters in the works. i appreciate your feedback and it helps to hear it when i am writing! enjoy Everyone :) these stories are the best we have until we hopefully get a second season!


	3. Tell Them You’re My Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think we all need a pick me up after hearing about Gypsy being cancelled... But if we raise enough noise maybe they will bring it back!!! But until then, we must all keep the magic of Gypsy alive. Keep writing and telling your stories!!

Chapter 3

Tell Them You’re My Girl

  _Sidney_  

_What. The. Fuck._

That was all I could think of when I opened my door. I stood there with my mouth as wide open as the door as I stared at Jean standing in my doorway, drenched from the rain staring at me. I felt like I belonged in one of those cheesy American sitcoms where the audience was about to clap because the lady of my life came back.

“You came back?” I half asked half stated in my British accent. I couldn’t believe my eyes and part of my truly believed this must be some kind of dream. She was here. She came back to me. She stood there for a moment, taking me in and looking like a train had hit her. I was almost afraid there was some other reason she came here or something bad happened. But before I could process another thought, she launched herself into my arms that magically opened immediately for her. I held her in my arms so tight, afraid if I let go she would be gone once again. I was so happy she was here until I realized she was sobbing into my shoulder.

I took a couple steps back, bringing us into my apartment so no neighbors would question anything if they saw the scene and shut my door. I pulled myself back slightly so I could look at Jean’s face and placed my hand on her cheek, showing my care.

“What’s going on Jean? What happened?” I asked with concern in my voice. A million questions started going on through my head, none with good answers. “Is it Michael? Did he do something? Did he hurt you? I swear to **_GOD_** if he laid a hand on you I will _kill_ him” I shouted, my voice rambling on making no sense because I was in a panic. Jean must have sensed this because she looked up and gave me a small smile and took a deep breath.

“There will be no killing today,” She finally said and squeezed my hand then took a seat on my bed. I followed her and sat right next to her and grabbed her hand and held it tightly.

“What’s going on then Jean? Believe me no one is happier to see you here than me but I also am no fool. I know if you are here then something bad must have happened. Talk to me.” I said squeezing her hand for support. I needed her to feel this was a safe place to talk in case Michael had gotten physical so she knew she was someplace no one could hurt her. She took another deep breath and looked back at the ground.

“Michael has been having an affair for months and I found out today,” she started while picking at the hem of her shirt on a loose string. She refused to look up at me but continued.

“Dealing with all of this was tough, tougher than I even imagined it would be. I got home and he was already asleep on the couch and I went to bed alone with my heart breaking just wishing I could tell you to come over. I knew that’s all it would take, a simple text saying Come here, and you would have been there instantly. But instead I laid in bed alone and broken. I woke up this morning and things were still weird but we didn’t want my daughter Dolly to think anything of it. I made up some excuse as to why I wasn’t going into work this morning because the last thing I was capable of doing today was listening and helping others. He ran off in a hurry to take Dolly to school so I went downstairs to get coffee when I noticed his phone was there,” she continued. I sighed knowing exactly where this was going. As wonderful as Jean was, I knew she was crazy enough that she took his phone and went through his messages. Though, being married I guess it isn’t too weird to just do that. You would assume your spouse would be faithful and you wouldn’t find anything. Then again, I guess Jean had no room to talk given her circumstances.

“I expected to see flirty messages from his assistant or some bullshit like that. But the last name I expected to see on his phone was none other than Catherine.” She said and sounded so defeated. I rolled my eyes at the thought of Michael being able to do this to her. I knew how much Jean hated her for all that she went through when her and Michael got back together years ago. It made sense why Jean felt so upset.

“I would have rather it been his assistant. But Catherine was the one person he was supposed to have dropped out of his life. He spent so much time lecturing me on my impulses and telling me I was jeopardizing my future and our family’s future when he was doing so much worse. She was supposed to be eliminated from his life. I mean I get it, I was having an affair too, but I wasn’t having an affair with someone I used to love who I left for Michael. I have been feeling bad that I was falling in love with you and sneaking around because I knew it wasn’t right to do to Michael but this entire time he’s been talking to Catherine, the one person he knows would destroy me. And he didn’t even care. They were going to meet up later… that’s how I found out they had been talking. She had texted him then I saw it wasn’t just yesterday... it was months.” She put her hands on her face, covering up her pained look. It destroyed me seeing her like this. But there was one good thing.  
She was in pain and where did she go?

She came **here**. **_I_** was her escape. **_I_** was her safe place.

I pulled her in hugging her tightly as I felt tears streaming down her face.

“What can I do for you Jean? How can I help?” I asked while rubbing her back. I wanted her to be better even if I knew I couldn’t change what had happened.

“Let me stay here with you for a few days,” She whispered which caused my entire world to explode. Stay here? For a couple days? This was heaven! This was paradise!

“You know I would never say no to more time with you but how is this going to work with everything?” I asked motioning my hand in the air knowing it couldn’t be this easy with all of her responsibilities. She looked up at me.

“I have my mom staying at my house to help with things until Monday. I figured by then my head might be a little more clear with everything. But I need an escape. And I wanna escape with you,” She stated staring into my eyes. God did she look beautiful. I nodded my head.

“You can stay here as long as you would like. Let me be your escape.” I said and slowly kissed her cheek. I knew she was fragile tonight so my urges all needed to be put away. All that mattered tonight was taking care of Jean. She nuzzled her head into my shoulder and we stayed there for a while.

“You must be exhausted. Let me put on a movie and we can just watch it and fall asleep?” I suggested figuring that would be an easy way to end the night. Jean looked at me and nodded. I took a moment to really take in Jean’s appearance; Her makeup was blotched all around her eyes, her eyes looked hollow with nothing inside them but darkness, she didn’t even look like herself. She looked broken. For the first time in the months that I knew Jean, I had never seen this side of her and it pained me to be exposed to it.

We both laid on my bed as I turned my tiny TV on and popped “It’s a Wonderful Life” in figuring a classic like this would be perfect for the mood. She laid next to me and wrapped her arms around my side as I put my arm around her cuddling her into me. I kept quiet as the movie played knowing that she just needed some silent time.

Before I knew it, I had dozed off and had woken up to the best part of the movie.

 _“What is it that you want Mary? You want the moon? Just say the word and I’ll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey that’s a pretty good idea. I’ll give you the moon.”_ James Stewart’s voice filled my tiny apartment as I smiled at the scene. This was always my favorite part because it was so sweet and innocent. I might have been a bad girl on the outside but it’s like I told Jean that one night; deep down I was a good girl.

I glanced down at Jean who was holding my body on her side, completely passed out. This was the only moment I had ever seen Jean in her most **real** , _vulnerable_ form. She was fast asleep breathing ever so slowly. She was holding onto me to keep her safe from everything bad in the world. She was finally letting me in. And I couldn’t dream of hurting her. part of me wanted to roll my eyes at myself because I was never this kind of sentimental girl but I couldn’t help but be madly in love with this crazy woman in my arms. I feel like most 26-year old’s don’t get to experience this kind of feeling but with Jean I was in a whole other universe. I stared at Jean’s soft face and drifted off to sleep, nuzzling my head against hers, in my complete paradise.

I woke up to the perfect smell of eggs and bacon filling my tiny space. My eyes popped open to find Jean was not laying down next to me but in my kitchen cooking breakfast, wearing my blue plaid shirt and nothing else. What a sight to wake up to. I felt myself twitch a little down below, This woman was trying to kill me. I think she could feel my eyes burning into her skin because she turned around sensing I was awake.

“Good morning,” she smiled sweetly at me. I felt like I was looking at her hungry and not for the breakfast.

“Oh yes, _Good_ morning” I said still staring at what I could see that wasn’t covered in clothing. Jean rolled her eyes and laughed turning back to the stove. I rolled right out of bed and up against Jean, placing my hands on her hips pressing her against my body. I could feel her body react against mine.

“You know, you’re the guest in my house aren’t I supposed to be making _you_ breakfast?” I asked. “You know… _Hostessing 101_ ” I whispered into her here as we both giggled. She turned around facing me.

“You are letting me stay in your space, it’s the least I could do.” She said looking down at my lips. I arched my eyebrow at her attempting to provoke her a little but she turned back to the stove. I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

“Believe me, I am not complaining I could get used to the sight of this.” I said against her neck. I felt her shudder which caused me to teasingly back away. I had done my job now I needed to leave her to be thinking about me touching her. She glanced back at me and gave me a playful dirty look. I grabbed some plates and she put the eggs and bacon onto them and we both sat on my floor next to my table.

“So, what do you wanna do today? What does a typical day in the life of Jean consist of?” I asked curiously as I took a bite of my breakfast. She smiled at me and shrugged.

“I normally don’t have any free time to myself. I am usually working or watching Dolly so I don’t really get much time to do anything on my own.” She said in between bites. But then her eyes lit up. “I do need to get Dolly some Christmas presents though” she said.

“We can easily do a little shopping if that’s what you care for.” I said and took a bite of my bacon. A day of simple shopping and walking around with Jean sounded wonderful.

“Then I was thinking after maybe we could do a little dancing?” She suggested cautiously which caused my eyes to light up.

“ _You_ want to go _dancing_?” I practically jolted up from my sitting position onto my knees. She smiled throwing her head back with a laugh.

“Yes, I think it could be fun for us to let loose a little don’t you think? And this time we can actually just dance and enjoy each other, no lies or secrets to worry about” She said and shrugged playfully. She could tell I was ready for this day.

“So now it is my turn, yeah?” I said causing Jean to look confused wondering what I was referring to. “The fully Jean experience” I said smiling which made her smile back. I swear we must have looked like a couple school girls discussing our silly schoolyard crushes.

“Sounds like an epic game” She said coyly making us both giggle.

“Maybe,” I said shrugging taking my last bite with a smile. She quickly grabbed my hands which made me look up.

“But then later, you will get even more of the Jean experience. The best part” She said with a sly smile which spoke volumes. I gulped at the thought of getting to be inside Jean again. It made me wet just thinking about it.

“Game on” I moved in closely as if to kiss her then grabbed our plates and threw them in the sink.

“I need to shower and get some of this rain water out of my hair from last night. Do you have some clothes I could borrow?” she asked and I motioned to the closet.

“Whatever you want is yours.” I said walking towards her. “But Jean?”

“Yeah?” she asked as I started playing with her shirt.

“Let me buy a new plaid shirt that you can wear. As hot as it is to see you wearing my ex’s shirt, I want you in my clothes. I mean, I really just want you in me.” I said with a flirty dark grin. She smiled and went into the bathroom and gave me one last smile before she shut the curtains. I groaned as I heard the shower turn on and I thought of Jean naked and wet. I advanced towards the bathroom ever so quietly then shut the curtain behind me

_Jean_

I placed my hands against the wall letting the hot water fall onto my back and just wash away all my worries for the moment. It felt so good to just let the water burn my skin a little and just forget that outside of this tiny apartment, my world was falling apart.

All of a sudden, I felt two hands trace my naked back causing me to feel a sensation down below. The hands maneuvered their way up my back, squeezing my shoulders then made their way down to my ass squeezing my cheeks playfully. Then the hands went towards my front slowly teasing my pelvic region, causing me to just about lose it. I felt her head move closer to mine and slowly moan into my ear the more she teased me. I slowly turned around to be greeting by Sidney’s naked body practically against mine.

“I thought we were going to wait until later?” I asked chuckling a little as she continued to kiss my neck and explore my body with her hands. She slowly pulled away and left her face inches from mine.

“I told you, I was never good about planning for the future” With that she pressed me into the wall causing a moan to escape my mouth. She pinned me against the wall, water falling on both of our heads as she crushed her lips onto mine sticking her tongue into my mouth fiercely battling for dominance. Her hands explored every bit of my body as she squeezed every part of me her hands could touch. My hands were pressed into her back as I pressed her into me so there was no space between our bodies. She took two fingers and pressed them inside of me, slowly gliding in and out then picking up her pace. Both of us were moaning into each other’s mouths as we made out, desperately craving every bit of each other we could get. She moved her mouth to my neck and nibbled as she continued to finger me causing me to feel sensations all over my body. I could hardly contain myself as I came the more she pressed herself inside of me. We were like two rabid animals wanting to feed on their prey who couldn’t stop. But once I came Sidney took herself out of me and placed one hand about my head on the wall and the other on my face. the hot water was hitting us both as she looked at me in the most sincerest of ways. She leaned in for a small kiss and placed a delicate peck on my lips. She grabbed the shampoo near the edge and placed some in her hand then massaged my head with the cream. I felt my eyes roll back as the feeling felt so amazing it was such a simple turn on. The day hadn’t even started and it was already amazing.

We went shopping and found a bunch of gifts through the many stores we went to. I found Dolly some new boy clothes that I knew she would just die getting and I found a new snapback hat that I knew she would go crazy for. We found some toys and browsed around a bit. It was such an easy feeling getting to hold Sidney’s hand as we browsed around. I caught her looking at a mini electric guitar and only could guess what was on her mind with that. I shook my head and smiled as the mere thought of Sidney’s kind gesture.

As the shopping came to an end, I became more excited for the night of dancing we had ahead of us. I knew this night was only going to continue to get better. As we got ready, I finally decided to glance at my phone only to be surprised that there was one message from Michal which read “We need to talk Jean” and that was it. I rolled my eyes. Fuck that. Sidney walked over to my phone and held it up so I could unlock it for her then she looked at the message and rolled her eyes.

“Fuck that bullshit” she said in her hot British accent. “We are going to have an amazing night of dancing then I am going to fuck your body to pieces later. Don’t even think about him” she said and tossed my phone on the bed. She was right. I was going to dance the night away and forget all my problems. The only thing I needed to focus on was the beautiful brunette goddess waiting to escape with me.

Hours later we were at the club sitting in a booth drinking our Bullits and laughing at something silly Sidney had said.

“I told you New York was something exciting! I don’t know why you bother with Connecticut its so boring over there.” She said reaching over and playing with a strand of hair. I shrugged and took a sip of my drink.

“I lived in New York during my single days. When I met Michael he wanted to get out of the city he thought it was too much.” Just the thought of when first told me he bought a house in Connecticut and telling me I could sell my little apartment made me sick to my stomach. I remember that was the first moment I felt trapped when I was with him. But he was stable, he was secure. I knew I would never have to worry if I was with him. Sidney could tell my mind was wandering off and she reached for my hand.

“Hey…” she began but was interrupted by two guys walking up to our table with drinks in their hands.

“Hey ladies, we were hoping to join your little party over here. We can see you both like to have a good time.” One of the guys said and leaned towards Jean. “I’ve always had a thing for blondes. They usually are the best kissers. Care to test that theory out?” What a pig. I rolled my eyes but before I could say anything, Sidney slide over in the booth and put her arm around my waist and pulled my in for a kiss.

“Sorry boys but she’s my girl and I don’t plan on sharing her at all. Not tonight. Not ever.” She said not breaking eye contact with me. I smiled at her and yet again we were lost in our own world once again. The guys took the hint eventually and left. Sidney laughed and gave me a quick kiss.

“I love you so much” I said laughing as we both laughed in unison at what had just happened. I grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the booth.  
“Let’s dance!” And with that she dragged me onto the dance floor. It was the Bushwick pop up show all over again mixed with the first time I was at her apartment. It didn’t matter if there were dozens of people all over the bar, some watching and judging us based on our age and gender, others just gaping at the couple getting lost in their own world. But then there was us; Sidney had her hands on my hips swaying to the house music getting lost in my body and mind. She kept teasing my face with her mouth and every couple moments I would allow her in and let her kiss me, feeding into her hunger. It felt like a scene from a dream but all too soon it was interrupted as I froze mid dance and stared behind Sidney. She spun around to see what I was looking at when she saw a red head at the bar.

“What’s wrong Jean? I know you are a brunette girl, red head isn’t exactly your type. At least I hope not.” Sidney said trying to make light out of the situation. I shook my head motioning to the girl at the bar. “Who is it?” She asked looking at the stranger sitting 20 feet ahead.

“Fucking Catherine” I said rolling my eyes turning to go back to the table to order another drink. Sidney grabbed my hand to stop me. I just looked at her, clearly not in the mood for this.

“Do you trust me?” She asked with a hint of coy in her voice. I nodded looking at her.  
“Of course, you know I do.” I said continuing to glance at Catherine sitting at the bar with a bunch of her lame girlfriends all holding their martini glasses like obnoxious socialites. Sidney came close to my face.

“Trust me now. And when I say go you better be ready.” She said turning over to the bar and getting another drink. I leaned against a railing near the dance floor as I watched Sidney make her way over to Catherine’s group of people. She went behind them and leaned close enough to see whatever Catherine was typing on her phone, most likely to Michael, and gave me a disgusted look. Sidney winked at me from afar then took her glass and poured it over Catherine’s head spilling onto her white shirt, and all over her phone causing Catherine to scream. Sidney ran over past me, grabbing my hand to pull with her as she went.

“Let’s go!” she shouted as she pulled me along and we ran past the crowd of people out the doors into the cool New York air. Sidney pulled me into an alley way near the club. I went to speak but Sidney pressed herself against me and immediately shoved her hand over my mouth as she pressed me into the brick to cover us as best in the shadows as she could. We heard the bouncer walking around talking and Catherine screaming how he better find that girl.

My eyes burned at Sidney’s eyes becoming turned on in the current position we were in. I stuck my tongue out licking Sidney’s hand against my mouth causing a small gasp to escape her mouth. After a few minutes of loud chatter, it seemed Catherine gave up trying to find the mystery girl and went back inside. Sidney let go of my mouth and glanced out of the alley real quick.

“That was a close one” she began but I yanked her body pushing her against the other wall immediately launching my body at hers, causing there to be no space between us. I stuck my tongue in her mouth immediately asking for more, pushing her back into me so I could feel her body against mine.

“I need you now I am done waiting” I said hungry for more. Her eyes looked black like the midnight sky. Her eyes looked just as hungry as mine. She grabbed my hand and led us back to her place.

As she pulled me along, I realized we weren’t going near her house. I glanced around and recognized where we were as she stopped in front of the Rabbit Hole looking for her keys. I looked confused.

“What are we doing here Sid?” I asked unsure of her plans. She turned and looked at me with such a sly face that I almost instantly knew what was going to happen. She unlocked the door and opened it.

“You wanted to go down the Rabbit Hole right? Here is the full Sidney Experience Part 2” She said grabbing my hand and pulling me into the currently dark coffee shop. She pushed me towards the bar top as she continued kissing me. I stopped her causing her to look worried. I smiled at her and spun her around so she was pressed against the bar with her back.

“It’s my turn to rock your world” I said as I lifted her up onto the counter and began kissing her neck. I pulled her body into my upper body as she began kissing my lips and sticking her tongue inside my mouth. I needed more, I craved so much more from her. I popped myself on the counter and straddled myself over her looking down at her.

Sidney’s face looked so innocent looking up at me which only made my heart beat faster. In this moment, I wasn’t a mom of a transgender daughter trying to find her way in a confusing world who found it difficult to accept a young child, I wasn’t the wife of a guy who cared more about work and less about being there for his family, and I wasn’t the woman sneaking off with a girl 20 years younger than myself. I was Sidney’s girl. _“She’s **my** girl”_ I kept repeating her say over and over in my head. The thought of her calling me hers just caused me to go over the edge. I moved her hair away from her face and dipped my face onto hers, kissing her with every bit of passion and hunger I had in me. I pulled my pants off and demanded she take hers off. Sidney was both shocked and extremely turned on by my dominance because usually I let her take control. But not tonight. Tonight, it was my turn to please her. she was my escape and I wanted to show her my gratitude. I took off the tank top she was wearing and began running my hands through every inch of her body. Her skin was so soft and lovely to touch I could help put kiss and nibble a trail from her neck down to her waist causing her to body to shiver with pleasure. My hands pressed into her hips causing her to let out a small laugh from the tickling sensation but as I continued my hands down into her pants, I could feel how turned on she was. I slowly moved my one hand under her thong and playfully teased her.

“Jean please” she moaned which caused me to smile. Normally it was her taking care of my needs but tonight it was my turn. I moved my fingers further down and carefully put two fingers inside of her and slowly moved in and out. I could hear her heavy breathing and moved my face back up to hers. I stopped for a small moment my face so close to hers and her breath hot on my face.

“Jean…” she whispered and we both just stared at each other for a moment. In that moment, it was like every second that got us here hit us. The moment we first met, the dancing in Bushwick, all the impromptu coffee visits, the first kiss, the museum, the full Sidney experience, her finding out the truth, to here right now. All the feelings rushed at both of us and I couldn’t help but crash onto her lips, the pace of my fingers quickly increasing. My body was grinding into hers as I felt her nails dig into my back causing me to let out a moan. She crossed her legs over my back pushing me further into her. the feeling was intoxicating, I became lost in the ecstasy, lost in Sidney Pierce as we both moved to the rhythm of our bodies. Our moaning echoed through the Rabbit Hole, both of us lost in our escape but not giving a single care who could hear us. In this moment, it was just me and her. Nothing else mattered.

I woke up the next day tangled in between Sidney’s legs. I glanced around and noticed we had somehow made our way back to her apartment. I saw her bra hanging on a lamp while my underwear was on the stove. Our clothing was scattered all over the apartment as if it was a part of some scavenger hunt. I glanced down at my body and saw little bite marks and scratches on my stomach. Last night was wild.

I had some vivid memories of us going from the Rabbit Hole to the apartment, opening a bottle of Tequila and the rest was history. I couldn’t remember a thing after my first shot but somehow our clothes were everywhere and I looked like someone tried to eat me. Sidney popped up once she saw me awake and I was able to see her hair messy as ever and she looked like she had just as much fun as I had. She glanced around taking in the scene.

Looking around the room it was very evident things had gotten out of control the night before. I could see my clothes everywhere but my mind went straight to my phone. Where had I put it? I got up and took a look around as I still remained naked. I could feel Sidney looking at me and gave her a playful look. I found my phone underneath my pants and unlocked it seeing what I had missed. No calls or text messages. I wonder why Michael hadn’t tried getting ahold of me again. But when I went to look at my messages with him I was met with a big surprise; my most recent message to him was a picture of me and Sidney topless laughing. Holy. Shit.

“What the fuck happened last night?”

 


	4. The Full Jean Experience

Chapter 4

The Full Jean Experience

_Jean_

I gulped hard as I took in the picture in front of me. Sidney stared at me seeing something was wrong and hopped out of bed and grabbed my phone to see what had ruined our morning. Her mouth dropped open slightly when she saw the recipient of the picture.

“Okay I know this is a pretty big deal…” she started but I cut her off. “No this is a HUGE deal! This is enough for him to get full custody of Dolly if he divorces me” I started pacing trying to figure out what I could do to resolve this but there was nothing. Sidney grabbed my arm and stopped me which caused me to look at her with panic.

“Have I ever told you that you’re cute when you’re nervous?” She asked giving me that infamous flirty smile that meant she was up to no good. As much as I didn’t want to smile, it was hard not to when she was being cute like that.

“Sid, this is bad. Like really bad,” I said sighing. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

“It could be worse Jean,” she began continuing to hold my hand. “I mean for all he knows you are just hanging out with a girl and sent him a naked picture. This doesn’t show us fucking or kissing or anything else. The worse he could get from this is that you are experimenting. Do you really think he would think you would be having an affair with a woman?” she explained. She did make a good point though; Michael’s first initial reaction would be that it was weird for me to send a picture like that but thought I was probably drunk and it just happened. He would never even remotely think I would be with a woman.

“I suppose you are right” I said giving it a small shrug as I sat back on the bad leaning my head against the wall. Sidney followed and sat in front of me looking down.

“Look let’s not ruin this last day today,” she started saying causing me to look up at her. I tried to say something but she shook her head. “Jean, we don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow. But if I’m being honest, today will most likely be my last day with you. I mean do you really think you will leave your husband and run off with the cute younger barista? Your husband is a lawyer who will give you money and security to help pay for a nice life for you and your daughter… I can barely afford rent every week. And what is the best that could come? My demo takes off but then I do a bunch of touring? He is the better option Jean. So all I ask for is give me this last day… give me this last day to enjoy my time with you because after you leave tomorrow… there is a good chance I will never see you again. All we have is this moment. Let’s enjoy it” She let out and I could feel my stomach turn to shreds. It was so sad hearing all of this. And I wasn’t sure if it was because she sounded so heartbroken explaining it or that it was somewhat true. I didn’t know what to say so I just squeezed her hand and pulled her in for a sweet kiss.

“So, what do you want to do today then?” I asked looking at her with a smile. She played with my fingers not making eye contact. She shrugged.

“I was thinking of continuing the Full Jean Experience. Take me to your favorite place in New York. Let me know who you were when you were the single gal living in the city. I would suggest going to your place and spending the night but I know you gave away the key” She suggested and I let a small smile slip out. She gave me a look of confusion.

“Like every typical person that owns an apartment, I have a spare key hidden in my mail box in case I ever needed to get into my apartment. Let’s spend the day out and about and have that picnic then I can make us dinner and we can spend the night by my place. How does that sound?” I asked beaming at this exciting idea. Sidney smiled.

“It sounds perfect. I think it’s time to take a shower so we can venture on this picnic.” She said then grabbed my hand and led me to the bathroom.

It was moments like these where it was so easy and care free with her I loved it. We giggled like school girls as we pulled our clothes off and lead each other in the shower naked. She brushed my hair out of my face and smiled at me pulling my face closer to hers so she could kiss me but did her typical Sidney tease and pulled away with a dark smile. I smiled back and pulled her face into mine. We kept being playful with each other, with no intent to do anything besides shower and kiss a little. It was moments like these that were crucial to have in a relationship. Or whatever this was.

I turned to grab some soap when I felt Sidney’s hands grab my breasts and squeeze them causing a ripple of sensations to hit down below. My eyes rolled to the back of my head and I moaned.

“I figured I would help with the cleaning process” she whispered so close to my ear I felt the hair on my neck rise. I slowly turned around and grabbed her waist and lightly squeezed her which I could tell turned her on but also tickled her.

“Jean Holloway.. what are you doing to me?” She asked then crushed her lips on mine pushing me against the shower wall.

Eventually we made our way to Central Park and laid out a blanket and sat down for our picnic. Back when I was a single lady, I loved coming out to Central Park and just watching all the people go by and tried to figure out the story they were living. So it only made sense to bring Sidney here. I stared at the dozens of faces passing us, not realizing Sidney was staring at me.

“What significance does this place hold for you?” She asked breaking me out of my trance. I turned and looked at her then sighed.

“New York was the single free life I got to live. The apartment you saw was where I was living in my late 20’s into 30’s before Michael existed. When we started dating, he hated going to New York all the time because he was like me now, from Connecticut, so the drive was always too long for him. We split up to do some soul searching but when we tried dating again, he had mentioned he was seeing someone still and was unsure of what could happen with me and him and I told him I was in no rush for him to decide. But one thing led to another and we had sex after one night of too many drinks and I found out I was pregnant…there was really no choice for either of us after that. He agreed to cut off ties with Catherine but my end of the bargain was to be willing to move out of the city by him and leave New York behind. So on days where I felt overwhelmed or stressed, I would take an hour drive to Central Park and just sit on a bench and watch everyone pass by. This was my little safe haven.” I explained looking around happy. This area had so much significance and I wanted to share it with her. She grabbed my hand and smiled at me.

“So where did things go wrong with him? Why did you stay with him?” Sidney asked with curiosity filling her voice. I shrugged.

“I was afraid to be alone the rest of my life which is why we started talking again. But once I was pregnant, there really was no turning back. We had a kid together and we needed to do what we could to raise her in the right environment so she had a good chance of a great life. Being the kid of a therapist and a lawyer? She would be set for life. I think we both knew it wasn’t the best idea in the long run but it was the best idea in that moment, so we did it. He is a great guy but work was always his priority and you could tell there was always something missing, even before I started sleeping with the cute Brooklyn barista” I said winking at her. she was still holding my hand but wouldn’t look at me. I think ultimately the thought of Michael made her uncomfortable because he kind of was competition against her. but in my world, she was the winner by far.

“It worked but it was never going to be what I wanted. I did feel trapped and stuck but it was easy just to keep living my life and pretend it was okay. As long as Dolly was okay that was my main concern. But then you came and reminded me of what freedom and fire tasted like. Then I knew I was really unhappy because being around you made me feel alive” I said squeezing her hand. She leaned in the kiss me and I let her get one small peck in before slowly backing away but being close enough that she could feel my hot breath on her lips.  
“Not so fast,” I whispered. “Now it’s your turn” She looked at me puzzled.

“What are you talking about?” She asked letting me hear her wonderful accident flow through her words.

“I want to know the story of Talia.” I stated and looked at her giving her the look of the game deepening. Her jaw dropped a little because I think this was the last thing she expected me to ask about. She shook her head.

“Why would you want to talk about that today in a moment like this?” she questioned while still shaking her head.

“It’s not to stir trouble I just want to know more about you Sidney. This girl clearly played a role in your life at one point I want to know more about her” I said sincerely. She sighed and looked up and closed her eyes.

“Talia was my first serious lesbian relationship,” She began and opened her eyes then pulled her knees up to her chest and continued looking out around her. “I had hooked up with and casually dated plenty of women to know how to really be with a woman but Talia was different… everything you see of me now is a result of who she was around me.” She took another deep breath and tried relaxing herself but it was very clear this topic made her uncomfortable.

“So I guess this isn’t just long and pointless story?” I asked quietly. She shrugged and looked at me.

“I mean it is a long and pointless story but I guess when you think about it, it is pretty crucial to who I am today. I remember first meeting her; I was at a bar with my bandmates and we had toyed around and played a couple songs for the small crowd. Afterwards, this beautiful fire brunette came up and started talking to me. But it was in such a confident sure way like the moment she said hi she knew she was going to take me home and have her way with me. She was literally like a walking flame ready to burn anyone in her path but she could light up your whole world with one look. She came up talking to me about music as if she had known me forever. She was much like me; fucking everything that walked in her path whether it was a guy or a girl. And when she talked to you… you felt like you were the most special person in the entire world. When I met her, I was a lot more calm and into my feelings easy. The situation with my dad fucked me up pretty good but him being in prison didn’t cause me to be who I am today. Maybe tell stories a little easier but still. But Talia was so exciting and just made me want to be around her every second. We talked, we drank, she of course found a way to get me into bed that night. Shit, it was mind-blowing. She did things to me no MAN has ever done to me let alone a woman. It was exciting being around her and I think she was feeling it too. Obviously I am different now but back then I got into my feelings a lot more and we ended up hanging out like every day. It was an adventure each day and the sex only got better. Eventually I was staying at her apartment almost every day and shit was becoming serious. She had me wrapped around her black polished fingers making me crave every second with her. But then one day, things started to change,” She stood up pulling me up with her, gathering our picnic blanket and throwing it over her shoulder. She grabbed my hand and continued with her story as we walked through the park.

“It was like she was sick of the routine of having a girlfriend. Sick of seeing the same person over and over again each day. Here I was falling head over heels with her and thinking she was in the same place but I could see she was becoming bored and needed an out. She felt trapped and that wasn’t Talia. She was the wild, reckless girl that everyone wanted to be around. She had everyone under her spell. She was a walking human version of Medusa but more seducing. Like I said, she was walking fire but best be sure, she would not let anyone burn her flame out. And when she became bored and trapped, she did what she did best; she ran. She had spent countless nights telling me stories of her wild adventures and crazy things she had done in her life. She was magic. Literal pure magic. And every day, she had me questioning how I was so lucky. But then the day came where I woke up in my apartment and she was nowhere to be found, no note, nothing. Even without the evidence, I knew what had happened; she was gone and she wasn’t coming back. I tried texting and calling her, showing up at her favorite bars, but she was a ghost that disappeared into thin air. She had destroyed my heart and I knew I would never be the same again. What was the point in giving yourself to someone if they were going to just do that? She broke me and I had every intention of getting back at her in some kind of way. That’s when I met Sam… he was dating one of my friends named Emily and we had hung out a few times. He was a cool guy but more shy and timid compared to myself. I was done being the good girl Sidney, it was time to be the wild child I knew I had in me. After hanging around Sam enough times, it was quite evident he had a thing for me regardless of Emily. One night after they had a bad fight, me and him headed back to my place and things just kinda happened. I heard a knock on my door and opened it. Can you guess who it was?” she asked me and I shrugged waiting for her answer.

“I opened the door and Talia was standing in my doorway, a rose in one hand and her vulnerable heard in another. She walked up so close to my face and told me how sorry she was for everything she put me through and realized it was a mistake letting me go. And you know what I did? I didn’t say a damn word and turned around and pulled Sam’s pants down and started sucking his dick.” She stated bluntly. A small gasp escaped my lips at what I heard.

“In front of Talia?” I asked curiosity burning inside of me. she lightly nodded.

“In front of Talia.” She stated. “Sam looked so confused because he didn’t know I was into women so he didn’t understand who this girl was to me but he just went with it. Which is what roped me into Sam to begin with. It was clear I had hurt Talia because she stayed there stunned for a few moments then I turned and looked at her with dark eyes and was able to see her heart literally shatter, just like she had done to me. That was enough for me but I liked that Sam was so submissive that he didn’t even care that a girl was there. It was like he was afraid of not pleasing me so he kept his mouth shut. After what Talia did to me, this was exactly what I needed. Sam was somewhat of a rebound but it was super easy to just chill and smoke with him and get to do whatever I wanted. And the sex was great and since he was always horny, I was always getting what I wanted. It wasn’t a bad situation. But I knew from the beginning it was never going to be something long lasting that I would end up marrying the dude. Then I did to him what Talia did to me except I had the common courtesy to actually break up with him not just leave him questioning things. But that of course destroyed him as you have seen. But Talia fucked me up… she had me afraid of ever getting into an actual relationship like that again which played a big part in how I was with you at first being hesitant and cautious. But the wild child thing… it’s all an act. Deep down I am a good girl which is why I have a thing for good girls like you. That’s why it was so easy to fall in love with you because you were so pure and sweet even if I knew you were bullshitting me the entire time. But there is the story of Talia.” She finally ended and just kinda spaced out.

Hearing this story meant a lot because it gave me more insight into who Sidney was. I wasn’t sure what tomorrow would bring but the more I was around her, the more I kept falling in love. Just as we started walking aimlessly, we heard a clap of thunder and instantly it started to downpour. We both let out a silly scream and Sidney grabbed my hand and started to run. I couldn’t help but laugh and just get completely lost in the moment. I was so happy with her right now I couldn’t contain myself. I stopped abruptly causing her to stop and turn and face right at me.

“Jean what are you…” she started but I cut her off and crashed my lips onto hers. It was like a cliché scene from a movie kissing Sidney with everything I had in me. This girl had me going crazy and I needed to just let her feel what I was feeling. I could feel her smiling against my lips and she slid her tongue into my mouth. I got lost in the taste of cheap cigarettes and let my tongue glide into hers. We stood there kissing for what felt like eternity and then I finally pulled away. Both of us hard of breathing stared at each other with our foreheads leaning against each other’s. we both smiled. There was so many things that could have been said but in that moment our silence said enough because we knew what the other was thinking. Right before I pulled away, Sidney got real close to my lips without touching them but I could feel the vibration on my lips as she spoke.

“I swear Jean you are trying to kill me,”

_Sidney_

We got back to Jean’s house and changed into dry clothes. She began to start cooking to make some “ _famous_ ” pasta that runs in her family.

“It is an old family recipe. My mom used to make it for me when I was younger all the time.” Jean explained. I looked over at her from the couch.

“Is your mom still alive?” I asked bluntly causing Jean to almost drop her spoon.

“Is that you insinuating I am old?” she asked with one hand on her hip and the other holding her spoon in the air. I laughed out loud and shook my head.

“No you just never talk about her so I didn’t know if she was still around” I stated then sat up on the couch, perching up looking at her. She turned back to stirring her sauce not looking at me.

“We just don’t really talk. She is kinda crazy. So usually I stay away from her because she makes me mad but then there are things like the fact that she still pays for this apartment because she wanted me to have an escape away from my marriage if I ever needed it or the fact that she is at my house right now no questions asked helping with Dolly. Like she’s fucking crazy but she can be decent sometimes.” Jean said continuing to stir the sauce.

I stared at Jean’s body as she stood there doing such a basic thing and looking so fucking sexy while doing it. I licked my lips as I stared at her which I think she started to feel because she turned around looking at me. She raised an eyebrow at me giving me the look of knowing what I was thinking but I didn’t care.

“You’re **_hot_** , sue me for looking” I said with my accent emphasizing the word hot. She just smiled playfully and turned around back to cooking. I let out a small groan I couldn’t take just sitting here watching her anymore. I snuck away into her room and threw all of my clothes onto the floor and tip toed back out in her main room naked. She was so focused on her cooking she had no idea.

“Okay, I have to leave the sausage in the oven for about an 20 minutes and everything should be good and done by then” she said then turned around and was surprised to see me naked laying on her couch looking up at her.

“I figured there’s usually an appetizer before the meal, yeah?” I asked seductively and stood up and walked over to her. she was speechless taking in my entire figure as I came closer. I walked up and got really close to her as my hands laid on her waist making my way to untie her apron. I could feel her breath being short as this turned her on.

“You might want to breath a little,” I whispered. “After I am done with you I can promise you wont have a single breath left.” And the apron fell to the floor. Her eyes wandered from my eyes down my breasts, sliding down my stomach all the way to my bare front. I cocked an eyebrow at her.

“Take what is yours” I said challenging her, egging her on to come and get me. she licked her lips and took a step closer. I looked up at her with hungry eyes and reached for her pants and pulled her in leaving a small space between us.

“Game on” she whispered against my lips and flew off her shirt and pressed herself against me. I grabbed her pants and pulled them down as I kissed her stomach and made my way to her pelvis teasing her making her want more. I slid her back against the kitchen table and picked her up so I could set her on top. I slide between her legs kissing her neck and pressing myself against her. hungry for more I made my way down her body kissing everything in my path. I stuck myself inside her making her moan at my touch. As my fingers kept going, I kept kissing Jean’s neck until she grabbed my face and slid her tongue into my mouth. The passion was wild and the chemistry between us was explosive. I went faster and harder and the more Jean moaned the more turned on I got. We both came as the timer started beeping and we looked at each other and laughed.

Jean lent me a dress and she put on one herself so we could have a nice little romantic dinner. It was such a nice feeling getting to have a homecooked meal with Jean. I could easily see myself doing this for the rest of my life. We talked about random things and I made a joke about our trip to Marfa but the conversation started to feel heavy because as the night went on we both knew what it would mean in the morning. Dinner was done and we cleaned up our dishes and went into Jean’s room.

I laid on her bed with my arm around her and Jean snuggled into my side playing with my stomach as we laid there. We sat in silence because nothing we would say would change what we knew would happen. Just getting to hold Jean in my arms was enough. She leaned over and kissed me so lightly. I looked at her and saw tears in her eyes so I leaned closer and kissed them away.

“I love you so much Jean” I whispered against her lips causing a small smile to form on her lips.

“I love you too Sidney, really” Jean whispered back. I pulled her in for a kiss but I felt us both deepen it. We both knew this would be the last time we were going to sleep together and we wanted to make it count. I could feel the desperation in her kiss and I submitted. We made love that night and she laid in my arms one last night as I held her as tight as I could for I knew in the morning she would be gone.

_Jean_

I woke up expecting to see Sidney’s beautiful body next to me but when I went to move my face, I hit paper on the pillow next to me. I looked around trying to find where Sidney was but she was nowhere in sight.

“Sid?” I called out but got no answer. I grabbed the envelope on the pillow next to me and opened it up to see a letter with a rabbit tail. I opened up the piece of paper with Sidney’s kid handwriting filling the paper.

_Jean,_

_I am sorry I am not here when you woke up. there was no way I could do it and say goodbye because if I did, I wouldn’t be able to let you go. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life but that is how I know I truly do love you. Because if I didn’t, I would not be able to do this. But I know it is best for you but also for your family. You have been the best thing that has happened in my short 26 years of existence but I want you to know I will never forget the memories I had with you and the feelings you made me feel. You brought out a side of me I didn’t think was possible to be like and I can’t thank you enough for showing me what real love feels like. See here I am getting all up in my feels and shit. You, Jean, are one of a kind and I am so lucky to have spent this time with you. In a perfect world, I could steal you away in the Westphalia and we could escape to Marfa. That will be where my heart lies._

_Take care of yourself Jean._

_I love you._

_Sidney_

_P.S take this so you can have a piece of the Rabbit Hole with you forever. I know you like blue so much too._

Tears were strolling down my eyes. I held the fuzzy blue rabbit tail in my hand and laid there for a moment taking in her letter. This feeling was absolutely awful. I laid in my bed knowing that last night was my last night ever with Sidney Pierce. Now it was time to face the reality waiting for me at my house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keeping the magic of Gypsy alive ! let me know what you guys think i have plenty of ideas for future chapters but i would love to hear your guy's ideas and opinions as well!


	5. One Way Ticket TO Marfa

Chapter 5

One Way Ticket to Marfa

 

_Jean_

 

_My eyes fluttered open and my head was turned to a window on a plane. I glanced outside to see what looked like a dry hot area, maybe Arizona or Texas. I was confused because I didn’t remember any trips or vacations I was supposed to go on. Michael didn’t have any plans either. I turned to ask him what we were doing when I saw a beautiful brunette staring straight at me._

_“Feeling better sleeping beauty?” she asked smiley ever so brightly at me. In Sidney’s words, what the fuck?_

_“What are you doing here Sidney?” I asked completely perplexed without a clue as to what was going on. The last thing I remembered was waking up reading her letter. How did I get here? And how was it Sidney was here with me?_

_“We bought these tickets the other day to celebrate your freedom from Michael…” She said cautiously trying to figure out why I was so confused. I shook my head. What the hell was happening. Why didn’t I remember this? I gave her a look and she rolled her eyes. “You left him remember? You told him you didn’t deserve to be treated this way and needed time to get away… and so we bought two tickets and got on the next flight to Marfa” She stated easily._

_“Marfa..? I managed to stutter out causing Sidney to roll her eyes again. She put her hand on my forehead._

_“Are you sick? Did you hit your head” she asked laughing. “You were so on board with this the other day are you getting cold feet now?” I shook my head. Maybe I didn’t remember things because that was my coping mechanisms to deal with everything that had happened. Clearly I needed to just get over it and get on board. We were actually going to Marfa and escaping the world. I smiled and grabbed Sidney’s hand._

_“No I think my head is just foggy from waking up. I am so glad we are finally taking this trip.” I said squeezing her hand causing her to beam a smile at me. she kissed my hand as I glanced out the window to see us landing._

_Eventually we got to the resort and were standing in a beautiful suite that overlooked the pool and scenery._

_“Wow… this is something else” I breathed out taking in the view outside. Sidney scoffed._

_“You were the one who chose this I would have been fine with a bed in a dark room as long as it had you in there” she joked raising an eyebrow at me walking closer to me. I pulled her in for a kiss._

_“I am so happy you are here with me Sid. But what happens now?” I asked curiously wondering what it meant now that Michael was gone. She rolled her eyes and got real close to my lips._

_“I told you before, nothing is certain except for whatever’s happening right here, in this moment” she whispered against my lips causing chills to run down my spine. She teased my lips as she lightly licked hers causing me to jump right in and press my mouth against hers._

_“I know, that is real” I teased using her own words against her causing her to let out a small giggle. I pulled her towards the window and she wrapped her arms around my waist as we stared outside. Even if it was just the pool and a small hill in the background, it was still beautiful especially that we were able to be here together with each other._

_“Let’s go swimming” She suggested and I turned around to face Sidney who was currently staring outside. I nodded in agreement and she walked over to her suitcase._

_“Sure, any excuse I can get to have you be in as little clothing as possible,” She said raising her eyebrow at me and smirking. I rolled my eyes at her and started looking for my swim suit. I went to stand up and turn around when I saw Sidney already wearing a bright red bikini that made her chest look perked up. she looked **HOT**. She saw me oogling her body and smirked._

_“You like what you see?” she asked in a suggestive tone still smirking. I licked my lips and held back my urges so she couldn’t get such a quick satisfaction._

_“Maybe” I said, shrugging as if it didn’t matter knowing this would drive her crazy. I turned around and slowly started to remove my shirt when I felt Sidney wiz over and her hands were immediately on my shirt to assist in the Oh so difficult task._

_“Here, let me help with that” She whispered as she placed her hands on my waist slowly removing my shirt so her fingertips tickled my body. She felt my body shiver and slowly lowered herself so she could kiss my waist as she came back up to remove my shirt. I could feel my body getting turned on but it was more attractive to push Sidney to her limits when it came to her desires. Our relationship fed off of manipulation like that. Her hands made their way to my bra and I swear in the sexiest way she ripped it off and threw it in the corner of the room. She moved in closer pushing me into her and grabbed my breasts and squeezed them hard as she crashed her lips onto my mouth. I was lost in her tongue as her hands explored my body. Her hands lowered to my pants as she carefully unbuttoned them, making sure she was still able to kiss me not breaking contact. I placed my hands on her shoulders to keep myself balanced as she began to remove my pants, ripping down my underwear with it. She kept pressing herself into me causing me to crave her touch all over my body._

_“I thought you wanted to go swimming?” I asked, almost moaning because Sidney was touching me all over. The look on her face looked like she was some kind of wild animal ready to attack her prey._

_“I told you nothing was certain except this moment” She breathed out and launched herself at me, grabbing my legs and shoving me against the wall. I could barely breathe as my entire body was breathless to her sexy actions. She pinned me against the wall, crushing her lips against mine hungry for the taste of my mouth. Her hands immediately made their way down from the wall to down below and her fingers slid right inside me._

_“Good thing I have my swim suit on because it looks like I am about to get wet” she joked as she continued to kiss me. This was pure paradise and I was lucky to be able to share it with Sidney._

_Somewhat later, we both were walking hand in hand to find a place to sit by the pool. We laid our stuff down and took in the area around us. There weren’t that many people here considering it was a Wednesday so people were at work. We had stuck with my original plan of coming here when everyone would be distracted with work so they wouldn’t even realize we were gone. For a moment, my heart dropped remembering I had a job that I probably needed to call off on or give Gary the heads up I would be gone again. I went to check my phone to see I had already texted him yesterday letting him know I had a family emergency with my mom and needed to take care of her for a week. Apparently, he had no issue because he replied saying okay. Now the only other thing I needed to know about was what was happening with Michael and Dolly._

_“Hey, are you okay” Sidney asked grabbing my shoulder. I nodded and smiled sitting down on the lawn chair with my stuff. “Whoa hold it, we are going swimming lady not tanning.” She said and pulled me over near the pool._

_“Sidney, I am not ready to go in there yet!”  I protested trying to get away from the ledge but Sidney kept pulling me closer. No matter how hard I tried getting away, Sidney was stronger than I was and managed to not only pull me closer, but drag us both right into the water._

_“Oops” she said laughing and dipped her hair back in the water. I mirrored her actions then splashed her._

_“I am so getting you back for this” I said causing her eyebrow to arch up._

_“I look forward to it” She said in a sly suggestive voice. I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer to me until she was in my arms._

_“I cant think of a better paradise that we could be in, together” I said smiling causing her to blush a little. Very seldom did Sidney blush but it was usually her sentimental side showing. She turned her head up at me and gave me a small kiss._

_“I couldn’t either Jean. But the pool and fancy hotel is just a bonus. All I need in my paradise is you” She said cutely with a big smile on her face. I led us around the pool floating around together._

_We spent the rest of the day relaxing in and out of the pool then grabbed dinner shortly after. Sidney had suggested we grab a drink someplace so we got an Uber to take us to the nearest bar and sat down on the bar stools._

_“Did you know that the Marfa lights are also commonly thought to be ghost orbs? It doesn’t matter what time of the year it is, the lights are always there and is thought to be some kind of haunted presence,” Sidney said as she took a sip of her Bulleit. Oh, Sidney and her crazy trivia…I took a sip of drink and gave her a look._

_“Why Marfa?” I asked curiously. “What made you want to come here?” her hands covered her glass as she stared down at it._

_“That’s where my family first moved to when we came here from England. We lived around the area so for me it is always a place I think of innocence and safety because at the young age I was, that’s how it felt for me. once my dad was arrested, the town became a little less of a safe haven so as soon as I was 18 I hit the road for New York, left my mum here, and never looked back. Rumor has it my mum moved away years ago but not too sure where” she said not breaking eye contact with her glass._

_“Do you not talk to your mom?” I questioned, somewhat surprised but also not because Sidney acted so independent it wasn’t too shocking to think she didn’t communicate with her mom. She shook her head._

_“Not since I left the 8 years ago. My mom felt betrayed but I think it was more of a jealousy thing that I had the courage to leave the shitty town that she chose to stay in” She said shrugging._

_“So why come back? Especially with the negative emotions you associate with this place? I asked which caused Sidney to finally break eye contact with her glass and look at me with a small smile._

_“Alright Dr Holloway, haven’t you ever heard of replacing a bad memory of a place by making a new one, better one, there? This town sucks but bringing you here… it feels like my safe haven all over again” she said grabbing my hand and smiling at me._

_We had a few more drinks and made our way back to the room. We changed into our pajamas and both laid down in the bed together. Sidney snuggled into my side and I wrapped my arms around her. this was the beauty of what our relationship was like; we didn’t always need to be having sex or fooling around, we understood that sometimes all we wanted to do was lay and snuggle with each other. Just being together was enough._

_“Do you regret it ever?” Sidney asked breaking the silence as my eyes started to fall asleep. The question woke me up as I questioned what she meant. “Just everything that happened the way it did with you and me?” I thought about it for a moment even though I knew what my answer was._

_“I regret that there was no way for things to happen that were less complicated. I don’t regret how it happened or anything that was happening but it was tough with having a husband and a kid to lie to. That’s why now it’s a little less complicated because I can do what I want with you without having to worry about other things. Why do you ask? Do you regret it?” I asked concerned which caused Sidney to rapidly shake her head.  
“Oh god no. I guess I was just more curious that’s all. I mean, you came into my life when I think I really needed it. And everything with you has been a wonderful adventure. I didn’t think you would pick me. I didn’t think I was enough. Which is why I wanted to make sure you are happy with your decision.” She said sincerely. I held her tighter and moved her head to face me._

_“Sidney Pierce, you are the only person I want to be here with. No regrets I promise.” I said and laid a small kiss on her lips. I think she felt content with this answer and nuzzled her head into my side and drifted off to sleep. This was paradise. It was almost too good to be true._

**Just too good to be true.**

“Jean?” Such a simple word that woke me out of my paradise. I turned hoping that I was just tired and that was distorting the voice and I was going to wake up still in Marfa, but of course in front at the foot of the bed was Michael. Marfa was just a dream. I could feel my heart break as I knew my relationship with Sidney was gone into thin air. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, let alone deal with this situation with Michael. I sat up in bed and looked at him.

“We need to talk and settle this Jean.” He stated, bringing me back to a harsh reality.

_Sidney_

“Americano,” I heard a voice stated which caused my head to shoot up. I was excited until it was just a random girl with black hair ordering the ever so common drink. I rolled my eyes at the craziness I was showing. I needed to get my shit together.

It had been a whole, I checked my watch, five hours since I had left Jeanne at her apartment saying goodbye to her forever. It felt impossible to deal with but I was doing my best to cope. It was tough being in this coffee shop when I had so many memories filled in this place; it was where I first met Jean as her secret identity Diane where she was anything but the typical type of customer, to all the little visits like when she gave me her lighter to us hooking up in the backroom, all the way to the moment where me and Jean had sex on the very counter top I laid my hand on currently.

I sighed and snapped myself out of my day dream and continued cleaning the counter top. It was nearing close to 5 and I was counting down the clock till I could leave at 7.

As the after work rush with everyone needing coffee to stay away and deal with their crazy families hit, 7 0’clock was here in no time. I started taking my apron off as I walked away from the counter shouting goodbye to the guys behind me. But as I walked, I almost walked right into a solid body right in front of me. I mumbled an apology as I looked up and practically had a heart attack.

Standing in front of me was none other than Michael, Jean’s husband.

“Surprised?” He asked but I was mute and not able to speak. I was pretty sure my vocal cords were all twisted inside me. “Come take a walk with me” he said ushering my out the door. Reluctant because I knew no good was going to come of this, I followed anyways.

We stepped out into the cool New York air. I tried to take a fresh breath in so I could maybe utter out a word so I wasn’t standing here like a stupid mute.

“What is this?” I finally muttered out, my anxiety destroying my insides. He stared off into the brisk breeze that was smacking our faces. There was an uncomfortable silence laying between us as I waited for him to answer my question. He finally turned and faced me.

“I know what you have been doing with my wife,” Michael began and I immediately tried to cut him off but he put his hand up to stop me as he shook his head.

“No, you are going to let me say what I need to say and then you can talk. My wife has been nothing of the same for the last 6 months. She has been sneaking off, coming home late from work, smoking, doing things she never would have done before. I tried to figure it out what could it be? What could be causing my wife to be so distant with me? I thought maybe it could be an affair which is why I started talking to an old girlfriend of mine, assuming you know” He said gesturing towards me, his tone of voice so dark piercing right through me. I swallowed hard. This entire situation was making me want to crawl out of my skin and go anywhere but here.

“But then I started paying a little more attention once I got home from Texas. I went to the coffee shop I knew she liked so much and had that interaction with you. This cute young little barista who was so friendly. I guess it makes sense Jean would fuck you, hell, I would have too in her situation. But I still had no concrete proof of anything. Not until my assistant told me a girl came in asking about Diane Hart and that’s when I knew. There was something more going on. Sure maybe you were her friend, maybe you were her curious experiment. Hell, maybe you were just a drunk mistake. But I knew… oh I knew she was going through so much trouble just to hide you that you must have been pretty fucking great. Which is why I told her I would leave without even blinking an eye because of her choices. And yeah, I had a lot on my mind and reached out to old habits but where does that make her go to? **_YOU_**? Some little cute barista that’s over half her age with probably no education? I am stuck at home taking care of **_OUR_** daughter and she is by **_YOU_** getting drunk and fucking _you_?” He spat at me. Jean had never described this side of Michael. I imagine it was only due to his anger at the situation but I had a feeling this conversation was far from over. He finally stopped talking and took a breath. It was now very evident he was overwhelmed and upset by all of this.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen...” I said quietly causing him to shoot his head up at me. “She was just a lady in the coffee shop to me but she had me fascinated. In the way she would look at me and talk to me… it made you think you must be the most important person in the world. She was unlike anyone I ever encountered. Once I met her I needed to drown myself in her. she was so guarded and a million layers but she slowly let me in and I couldn’t help it… I fell in love with her. when she needed an escape, I was willing to be there. When she needed sex or physical comfort, I was there with open arms. But when she needed a safe haven, you can bet that I kept my door wide open and kept her safe. This was never my intention to let things go this far but they did. I am sorry for doing this to you,” I said trying to be sincere but still frightened by what he may do. He just stared at me with disbelief. He shook his head and laughed.

“You love her? you do realize she has a family, a child, a business, and a life that doesn’t include a young barista on the side?” I felt myself start to get a little worked up at his mocking of me.

“That is not what it is like” I retorted back causing him to laugh more. He got real close to my face. too close for my comfort.

“Yeah? And what do _you_ think is going to happen, huh? You think she would _ever_ choose _you_ over _me_?” He asked in a dark tone. I just stared at him silently.

“What do _you_ have to offer _Sidney_?” He asked pointing a finger at my name tag. “What is it that the barista in her 20’s can offer a mom with a child and a husband that’s a lawyer with a nice home and a steady income. You got age on me, you got that. But what else? You work in a coffee shop which makes me assume you live in a tiny shitty apartment not too far from here. You play in that band which automatically means you don’t take anything serious because music is your life. So, what do you have? Are you ready to get married? Are you ready to be the mom of a kid? Ready to handle helping Jean through a messy divorce where you could cause her to lose her only child? Are you going to be the Rockstar barista that puts all her paychecks into food and rent for **_my_** kid and **_my_** wife? You have _nothing_ to offer to her Sidney. Absolutely _nothing_. So, when it comes down to it, you lost before you even started playing the game. You were a phase for her. something to keep her occupied through the stress. And yeah maybe she developed feelings for you or some bullshit but that is all you were to her. a thing of the past and nothing more. She would never choose a shitty life like that with a low life who can barely afford rent over a stable life with a caring happy family. You are _nothing_ but a lost child that needs to stay the fuck away from my wife. You are _nothing_. And will amount to _nothing_.” He spat at me and I could feel my blood boiling but I was so in shock I didn’t know what to say. He shook his head again at my silence.

“The fact that you thought you had a chance,” He started. “Was truly comical. Stay away from her or I promise I will take my daughter and run right out of her life.” And with that, he spun around and walked away leaving me with all my thoughts spilling out of my head with nowhere to go.

Even if I thought of fighting to keep Jean, he would take Dolly and leave her which would destroy Jean.

But even worse, he was right. I was nothing but a lost child trying to find my way. Jean deserved to be with someone who could take care of her and provide for her and her family. And that wasn’t me. I was nothing but a lost barista trying to make it big in a band going nowhere with my life. I felt the air being sucked out of my body and it became hard to breath. I put my hand up against the brick wall by me and started to breath heavily. I felt like I was going to pass out.

One thing held true, yesterday was the last time I was going to see Jean. She deserved better and I was going to make sure she had it. I loved her with everything she had in me but I knew this is what would make her happy.

So I let her go and didn’t think twice about it.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys for the delay! life has been a little crazy for me lately and i have to find the right inspiration to write! watching Orange is the New Black has definitely helped! but i have some ideas for the next chapter so i cant wait to show you all!


	6. If I Told You That You Still Rock My World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys i am so sorry i have been MIA lately. its taken me a long time to write this chapter because its been hard to be inspired since Gypsy was cancelled and just life has been a little tough lately. but i have a lot of good ideas for the next chapter. your guy's comments do help me and inspire me and make me want to keep writing so thank you for your support. i promise i will not make you wait another month for a new chapter. Hope you guys like it!

Chapter 6

If I Told You That You _Still_ Rock My World

 

_One Year Later December_

 

_Jean_

 

“See you guys later!” I shouted to my coworkers as I walked out of the little café that we had had our Christmas party at. It was always nice that after getting to celebrate the holidays with my family that my work always had a small little get together of lunch to finish off the cheer. Now it was already December 29th and the new year was close. I had the decision to make if I wanted to go to a conference for the APA or celebrate at home with my family. With how the last year had went, part of me could use an escape. Especially because a certain someone’s birthday was on New Years Eve and I didn’t want to be with Michael thinking about her.

I started walking in an aimless direction, not realizing I had strayed from where my car was parked. Somehow, someway, I ended up on w 4 street and was standing on the same street of a coffee shop I had once known so well. How had I not realized I was this close to _her_ place?

I walked up to the small opening and just stared at the sign for a moment

**Rabbit Hole**

Those two words just stared back at me, daring me to step inside. I decided against it and went to turn around but stopped myself and stared back at the sign. What would it hurt if I grabbed a quick coffee? I took a deep breath and ventured down the steps, literally going down the rabbit hole. I opened the doors to be surprised by a new change of scenery of the place. The little classic coffee shop looked more fancy and expensive with countertops that looked like they cost a fortune. The area must have been expanded because there was a stage set up for performers to play. It was still a small classic coffee shop but definitely was given a big makeover.

I stepped towards the counter as a guy greeted me wearing a white button up and a blue apron. Even the uniforms looked more professional.

“Hi what can I get for you?” He asked in a pleasant voice. I was still looking around.

“I’m sorry it’s been awhile since I have been in here. What happened to the place?” I asked curiously. He took a look around himself.

“New management took over and remodeled the place. I’m still new so I don’t know much about it I just know there were a bunch of promotions and people got let go. They wanted to revamp the place and make it a little more upscale and upbeat” he said glancing around him. I nodded to his response. So maybe she was let go or decided to quit? I couldn’t see her wanting to work at a place like this. It was too fancy for her now.

“I’ll just take an Americano, decaf please” I said casually. He nodded and glanced at me.

“Name for the order?” He asked but Déjà vu decided to step in before I could even speak.

“Jean.” I didn’t even need to look up to know who’s voice it was. I felt my heart stop and my hands tremble. My eyes flicked up to make contact with _her_ beautiful brown eyes. Instantly it was like no time had passed and I was a starstuck teenage girl. She stepped in the cashiers way giving him a look.

“I got this one. Can you bring the dirty mugs to the back I’ll handle up here for a bit” She said and the guy headed towards the back. I was speechless. No words were able to come out of my mouth. Sidney had on a fancy silk white button up with no apron, her brown wavy hair flowing down her shoulders, and she just looked different. I couldn’t tell what it was but she looked _GOOD_. I had to close my mouth because I could just feel my jaw gaping down.

“Before I live and breath, Dr Jean Holloway. Who would have thought you would be coming into my coffee shop” she said smirking at me.

“ _YOUR_ coffee shop?” I asked completely taken back. Well this explains her attire in comparison to her coworkers. Her smirk was still deadly on her face which I hated to admit was really cute. She put her hands on her hips and smirked at me still.

“Does that surprise you?” she said cocking her head a little giving me small attitude in her British accent. I shook my head quickly afraid she would think I was insulting her. before I could speak she cut me off.

“Relax Jean, I am only joking. But yes I run the place now so technically it _IS_ my coffee shop. What brings you in? Its definitely been some time since you have been in here” She asked taking a step towards the counter and leaning against it. I swallowed hard as I tried to avoid looking at everything that was presenting itself my way. I tried to be casual and shrug.

“I was actually in the area on accident,” I began and saw her eyebrow cock up not believing me for a second. “My work was having a after Christmas party around the corner at that little café as a _matter of fact_.” I stated directing my comment at her raised brow. She laughed.

“It’s been awhile since I have seen you be so uptight and nervous. Almost forgot how cute it was,” She said so nonchalantly as if it was normal to make a comment like that. “Fancy a tour around?” She asked causing me to give her a look like I didn’t care.

“I was actually just stopping by for a quick coffee,” I said casually shrugging. She rolled her eyes at me as she stepped around the counter.

“Don’t worry I’ll make it extra special for you after” Her British accent trailing away as she started walking towards the back, expecting me to just follow. And of course like a little kid lost in a candy shop, that’s exactly what I did.

I was amazed as we walked around and she showed me the new installments and upgrades the coffee shop had gotten. It was literally like a whole new world in here. She explained all the new things that they had gotten but as we came to the back room I noticed this was the only area of the entire shop that hadn’t been remodeled.

“The backroom is basically identical to what it looked like before” I said curiosity spilling off my tongue. I glanced at her for an answer as she turned and looked at a familiar spot we had spent much time at before.

“Some memories are better left untouched” She casually said with a shrug and turned away from me leaving me speechless yet again.

We made our way back up front as she made a quick Americano and handed it to me. I went to reach for my wallet but she reached her hand over the counter grabbing my arm.

“It’s on the house today,” she said, rushing memories into my head. “we will call it a management special” She said with a wink. I gave a small smile and thanked her not sure if I was supposed to go or drink the coffee right here with her. but before I had a chance to overanalyze the situation, she stepped around the counter again and began walking over to a table and ushered me to sit. I obliged and took off my coat and stared at the fascinating girl in front of me.

“How did this even happen Sid? This place is incredible” I said looking around. She smiled at my amusement and sat firmly against the back of her chair.

“My old manager was this little old lady who opened the shop for the neighborhood kids to come and get cheap coffee and treats at when they were bored around the streets. The place has been open for decades and she finally felt the need to retire. I had talked to her a few times about spicing the place up and when she mentioned she was going to be leaving, I offered to take her place. I’ve been here for years, long enough where she knows me pretty well. She gave me the place for free and threw in the extra money for a remodel as a token of her gratitude. So, I just made it into a cool place for people to hang out, drink coffee or Bourbon and listen to music. Vagabond Hotel plays there usually Thursday nights and I get to sing with them. Perks of being a manager” She said with a smirk. I shook my head in amazement.

“Wow Sidney that is something to be proud of. Look at this place it seriously looks amazing.” I said leaning forward smiling at her. She returned the smile but instantly our moment was ruined when a bunch of mugs went crashing to the floor. Sidney rolled her eyes and turned around the look at the situation. She sighed.

“Well that is probably life’s way of telling me I should get going. But are you going to be around tomorrow? My band will be playing to celebrate, well, my birthday so you should stop in around 7. Maybe we can grab a drink and catch up some more?” She suggested, idly playing with the hem of her shirt seeming to be as casual as possible. I stared at her waiting for her to return my look but she was committed to avoiding eye contact. I didn’t say anything at first as I tried to think of what my plans were for tomorrow night. This must have caught her off guard because she instantly made a comment.

“I mean its fine if you are busy. If you wanna show up, just come. If not no hard feelings but it was nice seeing you for a bit Jean” She said then hurried to the back. I stared at her from afar still shocked I was even in this coffee shop after all this time. But what was more shocking was the effect this girl still clearly had on me.

But even more shocking than that, was the effect I so obviously still had on _her_.

_Sidney_

 

What. The. Fuck.

I walked into the backroom and sat down on some crates so I could gather my thoughts. I couldn’t believe any of that just happened. The fact that Jean alone came in here but that I acted like I didn’t even give a single fuck. how wrong was that? My hands are shaking and I can feel my heart about to jump right out of my chest. Yeah that was a total facade.

I buried my hands in my face. I can’t believe I asked her to meet up tomorrow of all days. How could I try to be seeing her on my special day? If she didn’t end up showing then my entire birthday would be ruined. But if she does show there is still a chance she is enjoying her current life and doesn’t want to think of going down that path again.

Ugh. Fuck.

Tomorrow was going to be an interesting night no matter what the outcome. Little did I know just how interesting it would be.

~

“Do you bet it all?” I sang into my microphone getting lost in the moment. My birthday thus far had been a pretty good day. The guys of the band bought me a new blazer with a badass star stitched on the back, my workers all made me a cake and gave me a gift card to some movie and dinner place, and now I was able to play with my band and just get lost in the music. Though as much as I didn’t want to admit it, I couldn’t help but focus on the thought of Jean walking through that door and surprising me. but each time the door opened, I was left with dismay every time.

I kept singing trying to focus on anything or anyone else. But then it seemed that fate opened a door for me, literally, because as I sang to the crowd my eyes connected with hers as she walked into the coffee shop. My heart dropped as she heard my face and smiled real big. The song ended at the perfect time because I wasn’t sure I would be able to sing much more now that Jean had walked in. I stepped off the stage and brushed past the people sending their praises to me. none of that mattered. All that mattered was hers. She walked up to me and smiled.

“Surprised?” she asked and I just slyly smiled. I wasn’t going to give her that satisfaction of having that kind of effect on me.

“No.” I said bluntly. “You want a drink?” I asked and she nodded as I stepped behind the counter and grabbed the Bullit back there and poured it into two small cups. I walked over to Jean and handed her the cup.

“To good surprises” I said clinking my cup against hers as we both smiled childishly reminiscing about a similar moment so many moons ago. I nodded in the direction of a table and we both sat down.

“So I am surprised you actually..” I began but a couple teenagers came up to the table, practically drooling.

“Oh my god you guys were so good!” One of them began rambling and they all just kept going. I smiled politely and tried my best to usher them off but they weren’t taking the hint.

“Sorry guys I would love to chat more but this is actually someone really special who I don’t get to see often and I would like to have a little alone time with her before she has to go” I explained with a small smile. I saw them all look at her then back at me with an odd look. I just gave a small nod and they said goodbye and left.

“You have quite the fan club it seems” Jean said as she took a sip of her drink. I let out a small sigh as I rolled my eyes.

“it means nothing to me when it isn’t anyone worth my time” I said trying to nonchalantly not sound like an asshole but judging by the big gulp Jean took of her drink said otherwise. Fuck. why was I making this so difficult? Usually with Jean I used to be so easy to smooth talk and charm her and now I was talking like a 16 year old boy who was bragging about going to second base to the football team. Jean must have sensed I was getting into my head so she broke the silence.

“So what else is new about you Sidney? Your whole life seems to have changed in such a short time,” she asked looking at me curiously.

“Well if you are cool leaving this place, I have plenty to show you at my apartment. We could drink there if you’re up for it instead of here with all the little VagaHeads” I said chuckling looking at the group now talking to the rest of the band. Jean chuckled and nodded. We both stood up and headed out the door. She began walking towards her car and I stopped.

“Where are you going?” I asked puzzled and she returned the look.

“Well I figured I could drive us there rather than walking,” She stated clicking her remote to unlock her car. I pulled out my keys and did the same.

“I figured I could drive us there” I said with a small smile watching her look utterly confused.

“I didn’t realize you drove to work now or rather had a car. I thought your apartment was close enough to walk” She said crooking her head at my vehicle. I gestured her towards my car.

“It used to be but not anymore” I said then ducked into my car with Jean following shortly behind.

About ten minutes later we arrived to my place and stepped into the elevator to take us up to the 8th floor. When I unlocked my door and pushed it open, I heard a small gasp escape from Jean’s lips. I turned and smirked at her as I continued walking in.

“Welcome to Chateau Pierce” I said gesturing around me with a smile. Jean looked amazed at the place and ran up to the window.

“What a view ! definitely an upgrade from your last place” She said staring at New York City right before our eyes. It gave me a small pride boost to see this impressing her which made me happy. I stepped up behind her, almost too close for comfort.

“It isn’t too bad” I breathed out then stepped away as I felt Jean turn around. I needed to behave but it was so hard to do around Jean. Even though things felt extremely uncomfortable at The Rabbit Hole. I walked over to my mini bar and grabbed two glasses, filled them with ice, and poured some Bourbon in. I walked over to her and handed her a glass.

“Hostessing 101, yeah?” I joked with her causing her lips to turn upwards. I walked over to my couch and plopped right onto it. After a long day of work, it felt so great to sit down. Jean followed suite and looked just as cozy. I remembered the first time she was in my old apartment and it brought back the memories of that very great night. I turned and gave her a sly smile.

“Let’s play a game, yeah?” I said tipping my glass against my slips. Jean cocked an eyebrow giving me a dangerous look.

“Didn’t you learn the last time I am pretty competitive?” she asked in a dark tone which grabbed my curiosity. I cocked an eyebrow right back at her.

“I’m pretty sure I remember winning that game” I said with a small laugh but she just gave me a look.

“Let’s not forget who got who naked first” she said bringing the glass to her lips hiding her dark smile. I just laughed and grabbed a quarter from my jacket pocket.

“Fair enough, I will keep this game simple. Heads, you get to ask a question, tails, I get to ask a question. Easy enough?” I asked and she shook her head then nodded.

The game started off so easy and innocent, just us asking each other about what had happened since we last saw each other. She was doing therapy part time and taking on less difficult clients while trying to help her daughter around more with school and the house while I explained how I got my promotion exactly and what I had been doing ever since by remodeling the apartment to be perfect. After a couple easy rounds it should have only been expected one of us would break the ice. Surely I thought it would have been me.

“Why didn’t you ever try reaching out to me?” she asked causing me to stop drinking mid sip as I turned and looked at her head.

“Is that seriously your question?” I asked hard to believe she even asked that. But she just looked at me. “Jean you were the one who technically walked out on me. you wanted to be with Michael and keep your family together. That wasn’t really my choice to stop you”

“You could have said something, anything. Instead you just let me fall of the face of the Earth. And the fact that you didn’t even say goodbye in person…” she said with a hint of sadness in her voice but I shook my head.

“If I had tried to say goodbye in person I would never have been able to leave! I thought what I did was very noble” I said persisting to defend myself. I hadn’t done anything wrong and felt horribly insulted she could even think that.

“I think it made you a coward” She said taking a swig of her drink causing me to put mine down.

“Excuse me? what was I supposed to do? Stay in bed with you all day and wait till you went home to _HIM_?” I laughed right in her face. she was being ridiculous.

“You could have tried to stop me. you could have reached out to me and said anything. Made me know you were still thinking about me. not forgetting me” She persisted but this made me angry because of what had happened later that day.

“Oh I am sorry you expected me to say anything after Michael had come to the coffee shop and belittled me? you are seriously mistaken if you would think I would have done anything after that” I said sitting on the edge of my seat looking at a confused Jean.

“What are you talking about?” she asked completely lost. I shook my head and chuckled.

“Oh you didn’t know your little husband paid me a little trip later that day? To think I would even try to wave if you ever passed by would have been too much. You know this was a mistake we should have never done this” I said standing up walking towards the door but Jean sprung up and stopped me.

“What are you talking about Sidney?” she said grabbing my arm stopping me. I turned and looked at her studying her face. she actually looked confused.

“Do you really not know about this?” I asked looking for the truth. She shook her head still confused. “Well this will make a very interesting conversation.”

Jean glanced at her watch and looked around.

“I know this is going to sound crazy but what if we could just escape for a couple of days and just get to explore around a little?” She asked her voice becoming higher. I practically lost it.

“Who are you and what have you done with Jean Holloway? Are you nuts we can’t just leave.” I stated shaking my head.

“Its new years weekend and I have two tickets to Chicago. Fuck it. Lets just get away and have a little adventure in our lives.” She said pulling out two tickets from her jacket. This was crazy. I couldn’t just hop on a plane with her and fly away.

“Just two old friends exploring a new area together nothing more” she said in a genuine tone.  
“Plus it would be fun to celebrate you birthday in the second city that never sleeps” I glanced at her then the tickets. This was beyond crazy. There was no way I could hop on a plane with Jean after all this time.

But an hour later there we were boarding a plane to Chicago. I glanced at Jean before stepping onto the plane.

“Where does Michael think you are?” I asked curiously and Jean looked down.

“He knows I’m going to Chicago…” she began as she stepped towards the plane. She turned around making eye contact finally. “he just doesn’t know you will be with me”

I laughed nervously as we stepped onto the plane. All I could think of is that this girl still rocked my world and I knew Chicago was going to change things. Question is, was I ready for this all to explode and happen again?

Down the Rabbit Hole we go yet again.

 


End file.
